


Power and Seduction

by TG_fan



Category: Tokyo Ghoul
Genre: F/F, F/M, Forbidden Love, Haise is Kaneki but I like the name Haise better, M/M, Mystery, Serial Killer, Suspense, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-08-18
Updated: 2017-02-19
Packaged: 2018-08-09 15:30:30
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 14
Words: 34,784
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7807231
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TG_fan/pseuds/TG_fan
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Arima Kishou is a man with a large career behind him. He is a renown psychiatrist with many publishings and is held with esteem around the world for his work of cleansing people of their inner demons. When the clinic he works for accepts a new patient, Haise Sasaki, a troubled schizophrenic man, he finds his world suddenly getting a little brighter as he begins to develop a sense of kinship with the man. This, however, soon takes a turn for the worse as Haise begins to want more from Arima than his guidance and an already unprofessional friendship. Meanwhile, the New Haven Clinic run by the Washuu family is facing an inner turmoil of its own as Matsuri Washuu, the son of the current CEO, Yoshitoki Washuu, tries to gain more power within the organization. Matsuri is a man who will do anything to get the power and respect that he wants and Arima, who has been his father’s shining knight on the path to becoming the leading clinic for mental care, is in the way. Arima finds himself swept up in company politics with his reputation and license on the line as he plays a deadly game of lust and mentorship with the unstable and suicidal Haise.</p>
<p>Rest of the summary is inside.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Introduction

**Author's Note:**

> Full Summary:
> 
> Arima Kishou is a man with a large career behind him. He is a renown psychiatrist with many publishings and is held with esteem around the world for his work of cleansing people of their inner demons. When the clinic he works for accepts a new patient, Haise Sasaki, a troubled schizophrenic man, he finds his world suddenly getting a little brighter as he begins to develop a sense of kinship with the man. This, however, soon takes a turn for the worse as Haise begins to want more from Arima than his guidance and an already unprofessional friendship. Meanwhile, the New Haven Clinic run by the Washuu family is facing an inner turmoil of its own as Matsuri Washuu, the son of the current CEO, Yoshitoki Washuu, tries to gain more power within the organization. Matsuri is a man who will do anything to get the power and respect that he wants and Arima, who has been his father’s shining knight on the path to becoming the leading clinic for mental care, is in the way. Arima finds himself swept up in company politics with his reputation and license on the line as he plays a deadly game of lust and mentorship with the unstable and suicidal Haise.
> 
> Meanwhile, Furuta Nimura, the secret and illegitimate son of a wealthy businessman (no relation to the Washuu's), has unwillingly become Matsuri’s newest patient and, unbeknownst to him, his worst nightmare. All is not what it seems when it comes to Furuta’s case.
> 
> New Haven has been the country’s leading mental health clinic for decades but with so much inner turmoil the clinic may just be needing as much help as its patients. In addition, Tokyo’s streets have become increasingly unsafe as panic builds in the hearts of the city’s occupants. There is a killer on the loose. The police are calling him “Torso.”

Arima Kishou is a world renown psychiatrist credited with helping return countless people to leading normal lives; even the cases thought to be the most helpless. Despite helping so many return to a normal standing in society he had an emptiness of his own that seemed to be growing inside of him by the day. Maybe that’s why he became a psychiatrist in the first place. He couldn’t ever find a way to save himself but aiding strangers with ailments ranging from depression, panic attacks and anxiety, anger, ptsd, and any other number of problems was always so easy to him. He was gifted. 

Arima was getting a new patient today. 

The patient in question was a twenty-two year old man by the name of Haise Sasaki. He was a gifted boy himself; he had been accepted to Kamii University on scholarship and was on track to a bright future. This was until his best friend, Hideyoshi Nagachika, found him in a bathtub with cut wrists and an emptied bottle of pills. After a stay in the hospital and then a mandatory two week stay for mental observation, he was released. A look into his family revealed a history of mental illness. His late mother was diagnosed with schizophrenia, a disease with a strong genetic factor, and was on medication for it before committing suicide herself and orphaning Haise. Haise seems to be showing the same signs of schizophrenia that his mother did. His nurses have left notes that the boy speaks to himself and cries at night in his sleep. The hallucinations seem to be worse when left to his own devices. His school has reviewed his case and will accept him back on the condition that he seek psychiatric care and receive proper medication. He is set to graduate a semester later than planned. 

PSYCHIATRISTS AND COUNSELORS:

Arima Kishou: Age 32.

Hirako Take: Age 31. Hirako started at New Haven when he was 25. He interned under Arima and had a steady career with the clinic as a counselor since then. 

Kureo Mado: Deceased. A prominent psychologist who left his print on the world through his controversial publishings. He was shot by a patient leaving his daughter Akira Mado behind. He was Arima’s teacher when Arima first began his career.

Akira Mado: Age 24. She wants to follow her father’s footsteps and continue his work at New Haven. She takes her job very seriously. She is young but talented.

Amon Koutarou: Age 27. Another of Kureo’s students. He was there the night Kureo died and is anxious to be working alongside his daughter, Akira.

Seidou Takizawa: Age 25. He graduated second in his class alongside Akira. He has a strong desire to prove himself and is as resentful of Akira’s success over him as he is of his secret love for her.

Yoshitoki: Age 53. The current CEO of New Haven. He has helped to steer the company that was founded by his father, Tsuneyoshi, to greatness. Despite his love for his son, his workaholic nature kept him away for most of Matsuri’s childhood. There is a deep rift between the two that Yoshitoki hopes to heal now that they will be working alongside each other. Matsuri has different ideas about this.

Matsuri: Age 30. An efficient man with a promising future ahead of him. He is well respected outside of New Haven Clinic. His co-workers, however, are aware of his true feelings towards the patients at New Haven. He looks down on them and is more interested in using them as stepping stones to achieving greatness in the clinic. He wants his father’s current position. He has a deep grudge against Arima and is envious of his reputation. He is married to a beautiful woman named Iyo Yasuhisa but is secretly gay and wants the attention of his star intern, Urie Kuki. His marriage to Iyo was arranged by his father in order to increase their wealth.

Tsuneyoshi Washuu: The founder of New Haven. Despite being retired, he still has great influence on the clinic.

Shinohara: Age 43. A seasoned and well-respected psychiatrist who has helped numerous patients find peace within themselves. His newest patient, Juuzou Suzuya, is the greatest challenge he has ever faced.

Urie Kuki: Age 23. A student intern. He hopes for a permanent position at New Haven when he graduates this year. He is Matsuri’s right hand man and hopes to acquire a job through Matsuri’s position as Yoshitoki’s son. He has a crush on his fellow intern, Mutsuki Tooru. He works under Matsuri’s supervision.

Mutsuki Tooru: Age 23. A student intern with a troubled past. After the death of her family she takes on identity of a man. Mutsuki has a desire to overcome his own weaknesses and wants to become a psychiatrist. Mutsuki works under Akira’s supervision.

Kiyoko Aura: Age 30

Mougan Tanakamaru: Age 37

Houji Kousuke: Age 35.

Fura Taishi: Age 32. He and Arima met in college. He changed majors when he was 23 and later joined Arima at New Haven as a counselor once he finished school at age 30. He wanted to become a counselor after his best friend, Ryou, died in a motorcyle accident. His wife, Aki, survived this accident but was never quite the same. She is still kind and passionate but there is a sadness that was never there before. Fura wanted to help her recover but didn’t know how. He was inspired by Arima and hopes to make a difference in the lives of others. Arima and Fura drifted in their time apart but Fura hopes to close that distance somehow. He often wonders how a man as blunt as Arima can have so much success with his patients.

Marude: Age 51. He is not a psychiatrist and would not have the delicate nature when speaking to others that would be required of one. He works directly under Yoshitoki and runs the office. He is incharge of public relations and is the head of human resources. He is an obnoxious man but he is passionate and his heart is in the right place when push comes to shove. Yoshitoki and Marude have been friends for decades.

 

PATIENTS:

Koori Ui: Age 28. A cop who is on suspension for accidently shooting a civilian. He has PTSD and should not have still been on the force to start with. He is a patient of Arima’s and has a crush on Hairu.

Hairu Ihei: Age 24. Hairu is a private detective. She is rather obsessive and known for stalking. She has a crush on Arima and keeps coming to sessions in order to see him but actually winds up getting some useful help with some of her more eccentric tendencies. She starts dating Koori in order to get her mind off of him. 

Furuta Nimura (No relation to the Washuu family in this series)- Age 24. The illegitimate and secret son of a major business tycoon; his father, Sarutobi Yasuhisa, is the current CEO of a high end chain of hotels and spa resorts. He uses this business to cover up his illegal dealings running a prostitution ring in many of his resorts. Furuta has daddy issues. His mother was one of the prostitutes working at a spa resort and used him to blackmail his father with; threatening to expose his wanderings to his wife and the public. She is killed by one of her “clients.” Furuta lives on the top floor of one of his father’s hotels. He has had a long struggle with depression and was found by a security guard before he could jump off of the top of the hotel (strategically chosen to spite his father; a man jumping from the most profitable hotel would certainly damage it’s reputation). He is a patient of Matsuri’s, much to his chagrin (Matsuri’s wife is his father’s niece). This, however, is no mistake; his father wants this embarrassment dealt with as swiftly as possible and thus asks Yoshitoki to see to his care. Furuta begins to suspect that Yoshitoki, the man who had arranged for Matsuri’s marriage to Iyo, may know more about his father’s illicit secret business then he lets on. Matsuri’s hatred for his father and his secret homosexuality may become an opening for him to take revenge on his father that he never saw coming. 

Juuzou Suzuya: Age 17. Juuzou suffered terrible abuse as a child and has been in and out of many homes for troubled youths. He is a brilliant young man who rose to the top of his classes despite everyone’s lack of belief in him. He can never seem to stay completely out of trouble and gets in many fights. His high school has been finding many mutilated dead cats and he is suspected by all to be the culprit. He is at New Haven for anger management after punching the principle in the face. Shinohara is fond of him but worries that he will completely ruin his future if he hasn’t already. He is one year away from being considered an adult under law after all. 

Hanbee Abara: Age 20. He is seeking treatment for anxiety problems. Hanbee often admires Shinohara's client, Juuzou, for his courage. 

Miyuki Mikage: Age 20. He is obsessed with space and believes aliens are out to get him. 

Keijin Nakarai: Age 18. A student from Juuzou’s school who is also near the top of his class. He is always stressed and is seeking help.

Shirazu Ginshi: Age 18. Like Juuzou, Shirazu is at New Haven for problems with anger management. He is there of his own accord. Shirazu was raised by his father who died and left him and his younger sister behind. Shirazu feels it is his responsibility to take care of her especially now that she has fallen ill. He worries that if he does not turn his life around then he will not be able to pay for the treatment that she will need which will no longer be covered when she is eighteen. He pays for the sessions himself. He is a patient of Fura.

Saiko Yonebayashi: Age 23. She is a neet with an active social media life. She makes her money from the large follower-ship she has gathered of people who view her anime reviews. Saiko has a body image problem and her shut-in ways often leave her feeling depressed. She has a bit of agoraphobia. She is a patient of Urie’s.

Ching-Li Hsiao: Age 22. Hsiao is the daughter of two doctors. They have high standards for her. She confessed to her parents about her preference for women and they insisted she seek mental professional health immediately or she would no longer be considered part of their family. She is a patient of Urie’s.

Shinasanpei Aura: Age 18. He has depression. His aunt Kiyoko is a psychiatrist at New Haven and recommended him to seek care. He is a bit of a black sheep in his family due to his shyness and seems to be falling short of their expectations. They are disappointed in him for needing professional care but never-the-less pay for it. His family still has high hopes that he will follow in Kiyoko’s footsteps and become a member of the New Haven staff one day as well. He is a patient of Mutsuki’s.

Shimoguchi Nobu: Age 38. He is a cop on the force with Koori. He has depression stemming from his poor self-esteem because of his enormous lips.

Kuramoto Itou: Age 19. Kuramoto was on scholarship to Kamii University due to his athletic skill as a runner. He wants nothing more than to be a police officer alongside his best friend, Kuroiwa Takeomi, the son of the chief of police. An injury to his knee has put his future on hold. He will no longer be able to join the police force since he cannot pass the required physical exams. He has been having an existential crisis and wound up at New Haven. He is a patient of Hirako.

Karao Saeki: Age 28. He is Mutsuki’s patient. He is being treated for major depression after the death of his girlfriend, Minomi. Mutsuki finds him to be kind but there is also something deeply unsettling about him. He talks a lot of his deceased girlfriend. Minomi’s body was discovered in the city park’s lake. It seems that she had been out alone late at night and that she slipped and fell, hitting her head on a nearby rock. Police originally believed that she was too disoriented after the blow to be able to swim to the surface and wound up drowning. Later that week another body was discovered drowned to death in a swimming pool with the woman’s torso mutilated. Police, for reasons unannounced to the public, believe the cases to be connected and that Minomi was the first victim in what has now become a case to find a serial killer. Minomi’s boyfriend, Karao, was devastated when he found out. It seemed she loved going to that park alone to think. The flowers by that lake are especially beautiful. The police have issued a new warning not to be out at night alone. Three more women have been found with mutilated corpses.

Haise Sasaki: Age 22. Arima's newest patient.


	2. First Encounter

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a small reminder that even though I am claiming the setting is "Tokyo," I will be using Western notions for what the city is like in this series since that is what I am familiar with!

-ARIMA-

The news is blaring in the background of the clinic’s waiting room when Arima walks in to start his work day. Arima isn’t surprised to hear Marude making inappropriate comments in response to the case being discussed on television. A school teacher is on trial for sleeping with a student. Marude utters that she better have at least been hot. The story changes to feature a civilian shooting that occurred a few months ago. The officer, to the outrage of many is being acquitted. This leads him to where he is now, in session with Koori Ui, the officer in question who happens to also be his patient.

“Your trial is over?” he asks, though it is not really a question. “It seems likely all will go well from here on out. The jury decided that due to the circumstances there was no way of knowing that the civilian was not your target or reaching for a gun. I have given statement of my belief that you are fit to return. You will be allowed to return to the force after a six month suspension. How do you feel?”

Koori responds, “Relieved.”

“Is that all? These conversations are private I would like to remind you.”

Silence greets Arima’s ears for a moment.

“Guilty. I don’t deserve forgiveness.” “But you hope for it?” Arima asks.   
“Of course. Everyone says there was no way for me to know but that doesn’t bring the dead back. In addition, I could have done things differently. Waited longer to see what they were reaching for. Something…”  
The terrible truth is that at the moment he had pulled the trigger he had felt a chilling sense of smug satisfaction that one more mongrel was off of Tokyo’s streets. Was he too quick to act? He felt guilty but wasn’t that civilian partially at fault too for such suspicious behavior. 

“So what do you think should happen to you?”

“...I don’t know”

“You have a phenomenal record; it is because of you that many criminals and killers are off the streets. If another cop were to have pulled the trigger and acted as you did, say your partner for example, would you have been this hard on them?”

A pause.

“No. I suppose not.”

“What would you have told them?”

“To go on… Punishing yourself won’t change the past and there are many more scoundrels out there. They must maintain focus and continue on as a hero of justice lest those ghoulish criminals get brave.”

Koori thinks that this is the only time that he can truly relax and be himself anymore. He knows that this is Arima’s job but he feels close to this man who knows all his darkest thoughts and inner workings. Arima is truly someone respectable, a hero of justice or perhaps more fittingly, a knight in shining armor. 

Arima makes to glance at the clock. Their session will be ending soon and he wants to end it on a positive note. “You have a date tonight, no?”

“Haaaa?!” Koori exclaims. “How do you know that?!”

The large imposing man behind the desk sits back and gives a smirk. “Hairu told me in her session the other day. I am to give you a message: “Don’t be late and bring flowers,” she said”

Koori is completely focused on this new conversation. “Really? What else did she say? Did she talk about me?”

The smirk grows.

“I can’t discuss other clients with you.”

Koori’s palms slam down onto the desk. “No way! That’s foul play!” he’s yelling at the man who still has that infuriating lazy smirk on his face. Just like that Koori feels himself relaxing, stress melting off like ice on a hot sunny day. He’s laughing. Really, Arima knows how to get his mind off of his problems too well.

“Well our session is over. You wouldn’t like to be late. I suspect that the consequences may be dire. I’ll see you in a few days.”

“Right. See you.” Koori leaves him with a lazy smile of his own as he departs, allowing him to prepare for his last patient of the day. Haise.

 

……………

This is the first time that he is meeting the man and on first impression Haise seems to be a quiet individual. He’s good mannered if not a bit antisocial. His body language reveals him to be shy as he hunches in on himself making to appear as small as possible under Arima’s gaze. Arima has asked him a question, a very simple one at that to start things off. 

“How are you today?” 

“Fine.”

Arima waits for him to elaborate and when he doesn’t he just sits backs and asks, “What is fine to you, Haise? Are you happy? Content perhaps? ...Are you still hearing those voices?”

The boy sits in silence not making eye contact. Arima lets him. It is a common practice in counseling to allow your patient as much time as they need to gather their thoughts and begin to talk. The uncomfortable silence allows the other to know that they are expected to say more in answer and it also allows them to steer the conversation to the meat of the matter. Meat that the counselor may not be able to smoke out on their own. More silence. Sometimes this takes fifteen minutes or sometimes much longer. Arima once had a patient wait two and a half sessions before the silence was too much for him to take and he started talking. Arima is nothing if not a patient man and so they sit and Arima watches.

Haise is fidgeting. Pulling at imaginary threads on his sweater, clearly uncomfortable. When five minutes are left Haise starts to rise to leave and Arima finds himself breaking the silence, “Have you started your medication?” The boy is still making his way through the door and Arima doesn’t expect a response but then stormy gray eyes peer at him from behind a shroud of black lashes and a muffled yes is given before he darts out the door and away from Arima. 

-HAISE-

Haise was seated in Arima’s office. 

Strangely he thought that the bespectacled man with the bizarre white hair and arctic eyes was beautiful. His gaze was intimidating. It felt like there was nowhere for Haise to hide as Arima’s orbs tried to steal his soul away. Haise ducked his head to prevent the man that he now viewed as his own personal reaper from doing so. Kishou Arima. It was fitting for him to be a reaper with a name reminiscent of a knights and hair as white as snow. He reminded Haise of the depiction of death in the apocalypse, an intimidating figure seated atop a great white war horse. Silent as it basked in its power. Haise was aware that these notions were irrational. He was just a thirty something year old man doing his job but it didn’t shake the feeling away and wasn’t Arima trying to take his soul in a way? Turn the malleable thing into something better fit for society’s eyes? Easier on their eyes. The silence was stifling. There were many times that he felt himself begin to say something only to find the words fall away. Death was patient though.

The truth was, Haise was ashamed. Everyone treated him as though he were glass and they didn’t even know about the voices. Not even Hide. Hide was his only saving grace. He tried to act like everything was normal, like nothing happened, but Haise didn’t miss the sidelong glances of concern when Hide thought that he wasn’t looking. He didn’t trust Haise to be alone either, always lingering in doorways a little longer searching for words whenever they had to part for something. He had been camped out on Haise’s couch since his release. 

Haise was also guilty. So very guilty for what he had put Hide through. The voices hadn’t gone away either throwing their accusations at him. If Hide ever found out about them he wondered if he would even be able to walk beside him anymore. If Hide would accept him. What if one day he was so far gone that he lost touch with reality completely? He couldn’t put Hide through that. That’s why… that’s why he had tried to take matters into his own hands. Perhaps he understood his mother’s decision a little more now. She truly was respectable. But Haise messed up. He was spared and Hide was not. Hide has practically given up his life for the sake of Haise’s. It’s all my fault.

This silence was like a tomb to him. 

Finally when there was five minutes left, he made to stand. He didn’t understand why the two had sat in silence, he and the reaper, but since he was allowed it he would take this chance to escape death’s hands once more. 

“Have you started your medication yet?”

Haise almost let out a scream. He wasn’t even aware that this marble god could speak anymore. He pays tribute with a “yes” and then leaves crossing through death’s doorway and across the styx river, his new term for the waiting room where the ferry man Marude is still gawking at the news, and back into the daylight of humanity. 

……………………

Haise is sitting in a playground with Hide. The atmosphere is calming compared to that of the clinic’s. This place is like his and Hide’s promise land where all his fears melt away. The two engage in small talk and then…

“How was it?” Hide asks.

Haise pauses for a few breaths. “Quiet. We didn’t say anything.” 

“oh” is given in response.

The two sat in silence a while longer enjoying a burger. This breeze feels nice. It came with the scent of the dying summer heavy with a perfume of flowers. Fall would be coming soon and with it the new school year. Haise wished he could return but he was deemed as too fragile and was sentenced to time off. Spring couldn’t come soon enough for him because of this. Haise’s mind drifted back to the reaper-like man.

“He’s kind of intimidating.”

Hide gives him a “Hmmm??” with his mouth full of fries.

“Nothing. He just has a large presence is all.” Images of those cold eyes baring into his own cross his mind. Expressionless. I wonder what he was thinking…

As the night drags on it is time to head home. They will be returning to Haise’s apartment again. The guilt creeps back up. It’s all his fault a voice tells him and he agrees.


	3. Meetings

-URIE-

Urie is looking through his schedule for the next week while chatting with his fellow intern Mutsuki. He has to give Matsuri an update on his patients soon which he is not looking forward to. Can’t his day just be over? Urie would prefer to work under someone great like Kishou Arima. The man is supposed to be a god in his field and Urie hopes that by working here he can sneak in a conversation or two with the legend and get some tips.

Mutsuki makes mention of her newest patient; Karao Saeki but then stops himself. They are not supposed to discuss patients. It’s just something about the man disturbs Mutsuki so much.

In the past Mutsuki’s breach of protocol by slipping something about Saeki would have bothered Urie. How unprofessional and useless of him. Things have changed though. Urie can’t quite put his finger on it but he finds himself wanting to spend more and more time with Mutsuki. 

The two part ways, Urie must go meet with Matsuri. Perhaps he can get himself further into the man’s good books.

.......................................................

“Hsiao remains focused on her school achievements and is avoidant of the problem regarding her preference for women which, incidentally, is also the reason why she is here in the first place. I believe with more time I can get her to talk about her family situation and her feelings in more detail.” Urie reports.

“As for Yonebayashi,” he continues, “well… she’s gained more weight and it seems the only time that she leaves the house is to come to these sessions. I will need more work to develop a plan for her. She is a bit like an ill fitting cog in a machine when it comes to fitting into society” Urie finishes.

Matsuri is facing away from him looking out the window. “Urie, tell me what do you make of Arima Kishou?”

This ass. Why did I even give that report? Did he hear a word I said?

“He is an extremely accomplished man (god) who has done this clinic proud. He was the main reason it became the greatest recognized mental health institute in the country. He is idolized by psychologists everywhere. There isn’t a person in the field who doesn’t know his name.”

“Yes, yes. That’s great. He is the love of my grandfather and the current CEO as well. Everything he does is perfect. He is worshipped the way things are run now.”

Jealous much. “Is there something wrong?”

“No. Not at all. Just making an observation.”

Why (waste my time)?

Matsuri is facing him now, his profile shadowed by the afternoon sun, “How would you like to have dinner with my family this Friday?”

Meet his family. For what purpose (waste my Friday now)? It doesn’t matter though, Urie wants a position in this clinic and if that means he has to be Matsuri’s little lap dog and accompany him wherever he goes then so be it.

“Yes, please let me (not) accompany you for dinner.”

The man gives him a smirk but there is no feeling behind it. “Good. Now I have to prepare for a new patient this evening. See yourself out.”

(Fucker).

Urie returns to the lobby of the clinic in time to hear Yoshitoki wailing to Marude about his “recalcitrant” son as Marude puts it.

Whatever. Urie is done with his intern job today save for some paperwork that he can accomplish elsewhere. 

He leaves the clinic into the hot air of one of the last days of summer. The heat is nice as it melts into his clothes. 

-HAISE-

Haise is in Arima’s office for his third session. He thinks back to his second session with Arima which went much the same as the first. He sits in silence with the man, avoiding his gaze, and wondering what he’s thinking. Why doesn’t he speak? Haise doesn’t understand Arima. He reaches for words again but, as always, they fall away. That time when their session was about to end Haise was the one to break the silence. “Why don’t you ever say anything?”

The bespectacled man appraises him, “Did you want me to?”

“Um well… it’s your job isn’t it?”

“Is that what you think my job is?”

 

Haise doesn’t know what to say so he looks down and then leaves muttering a goodbye and thank you for the session.

It’s not until this third session with Arima that Haise notices the shelves stacked with books. Arima catches his gaze. “Do you like reading?” Haise starts to answer but all of a sudden a flood of words leave his mouth and he can’t stop talking, tripping over his own words. He is telling Arima that “Yes, he loves reading!” That he is a literature student and he loves even the smell of books, old or new. He’s launching into his favorite ones while inviting himself to look at Arima’s shelves. It is then that he catches himself and feels his cheeks burn with shame. “Um… I’m sorry I got ahead of myself. Yes. I like reading.” It is too late after that little outburst to act like a calm stoic individual though. How embarrassing.

He chances a look at Arima to see the man with the most expression he’s seen on him yet. Arima is leaning away from him with slightly widened eyes. Oh no. Haise’s done it now. He’s definitely scared off his stone-faced psychologist. “I’m sorry. I just… I guess I’m a bit passionate about the subject.” He sits back down and lowers his head in shame.

Arima is silent a while longer before he seems to recover himself. “It’s fine.” He pauses to look at the books. Haise mentioned his love for Takatsuki novels as well as Kafka’s works. These are favorites of Arima’s too. He tells Haise as much and then, “What is it that drew you to Takatski’s works?”

“Well… I really liked that trick she did with the letter in her debut work. I like the delicate portrayals she gives of her characters and her writing is really complex. She seems to want to destroy everything around her though, like she is tired of the world she lives in.” Haise continues on, “The Black Goat’s Egg… that one is relatable.” 

“How so?” Arima picks up on this but Haise doesn’t want to talk on this. “Well… the mother is a serial killer. She’s cruel. Sick. Twisted. The son to his greatest dismay and fears starts to become just like her…” Haise is done with this topic. It is too similar to he and his mother. He remembers her manic eyes the night when she… when she…

“I also like Dazai’s works” Haise picks up. Arima lets him go on. “Oh? He is a rather famous Japanese writer, no?” 

“Yeah!” Haise can feel himself smiling now. “The Setting Sun is one of my favorites. He talks of love and revolution. I also like to think that I am someone like that.”

“Dazai’s works are beautiful. He says that people who read are lonely, do you also agree with that Arima-san?”

Haise examines him as he seems to think. “It’s a possibility. Are you lonely Haise?”

Haise wants to whither. He deflected my question… He wants to know more about the doctor who is supposed to fix him now. “Arima-san?”

“Hmm?”

“You said that you liked Kafka’s short stories do you have a favorite?”

“Crossbreed.” He unfortunately doesn’t elaborate. Haise chances a look at the clock and let’s out a muted exclamation. They’ve gone twenty minutes past the time that his session was supposed to have ended. “I’m so sorry! I got carried away again! I can pay you for the extra time!” he tries but Arima won’t have any of it. “It’s fine Haise. I’ve enjoyed our time together. Take care until next time.”

He enjoyed their time? Haise had too but to hear it was a shared sentiment was nice. He feels a trickle of happiness run through him. It’s been a long time since he felt any form of happiness, no matter how small. “Yes! Thank you Arima-san!”

Perhaps death is a beautiful thing afterall. Meeting the reaper today wasn’t so bad.

-ARIMA-

It is Arima’s last session of the day and he is meeting Haise again. After their last two sessions of silence Arima hopes to get something from the quiet man. Perhaps Haise will talk this time since he made comment on the silence in their last session. 

Arima has taken his time with Haise to understand the man more. His body language is always deflated as he attempts to appear as small as possible, sinking into the couch during sessions. The man is a rather attractive youth. Gray eyes and inky black hair. Arima notes with a slight frown that a few strands seem to be white. Stress perhaps? Other then that he has an innocent appearance to him. When he is not picking at invisible threads on his clothing or the couch, his eyes frantically scour the room for something to look at. Anything but Arima himself. He is not unlike a scared deer with his large doe eyes Arima decides. 

The third session starts, unfortunately, like the other two before it. Haise is looking around frantically searching the corners of the rooms for things to examine for the next hour. But then he glances at the book shelves as if seeing them for the first time and a light seems to materialize in his eyes giving them a happy glow as his shoulders lift and his posture changes. Oh? “Do you like reading?” and just like that the quiet man is talking and he won’t stop. He launches into a jumbled discourse on literature and Arima struggles to keep up. Haise is completely lost on a tangent.

It is a full five minutes later when the man seems to rediscover himself and his audience. He immediately becomes overcome with embarrassment and shrinks back into himself. Arima is completely taken aback by this sudden change in Haise.

It takes him a moment to recompose himself but he quickly latches onto this new avenue into Haise’s mind. He begins questioning what books Haise likes and why. The gray eyed man is very astute, clearly intelligent and has a great passion bubbling under the surface of his shy outer shell. He would make a great professor or writer some day if he could ever conquer his inner demons Arima thinks. 

Then Arima stumbles onto something interesting. “The Black Goat’s Egg is relatable…” No it’s not. But then again maybe to someone like Haise it is. Unfortunately Haise does not seem ready to delve into this topic and he doesn’t get much more on the subject. It’s enough to catch glimpse at the man’s problems though. He has a rather wistful look to him as talks about it, terribly sad as well. Does he crave a motherly figure? Arima makes a mental note to return to this book in the future when Haise is more comfortable with him.

Haise is changing the subject to a writer named Dazai and Arima lets him continue to steer the conversation. His attention is again peaked when Haise asks if he thinks that readers are lonely. Arima can’t help but to think of himself. Is he lonely? Is that what this empty hole in him is? But he instead redirects the question back to Haise. He is here for him after all. 

Arima is not surprised that Haise is lonely. He is antisocial, kind of course, but nevertheless withdrawn. He wants to ask the fragile man about his interpersonal relationships and about the Nagachika boy who discovered him in the bathtub but Haise is exclaiming again. He’s apologizing. They’ve gone way over session and Arima notes with surprise that he’s right and more surprisingly is that he doesn’t care at all even though this means he will be up late doing paperwork.

After saying goodbye to Haise and pushing off his apologies he makes a few more notes. He also makes sure that Haise will always be his last patient of the day. Just in case they go over time again. He was looking forward to their next session now that he has made progress. 

Arima wants to develop Haise’s recovery plan more but first he needs Haise to open up to him. What if he makes some book recommendations and gets the man’s opinion on them? Perhaps something like the classic Dr. Jeckle and Mr. Hyde would be a great way into Haise’s psyche.

He is definitely interested in his next session.

-FURUTA-

Furuta is draped over the couch in Matsuri’s office. He is painstakingly careful to make sure that he rubs the soles of his shoes all over the other end of the couch. The material looks expensive afterall. 

“Well Doctor Freud, what do you want to know? About my secret love for my mother, how I want to kill my father and marry my mother? Hmmm?”

Matsuri is looking down at a clipboard in his hands. “You’re a fan of Oedipus I see?” Wow. Way to sound interested. He could at least put a little change in octave to that monotone. 

“Oh yes. The tragedy in it is simply beautiful!” Furuta guffaws from his side of the room. He gives Matsuri another once over. Matsuri is a tall man, clearly proud, clearly spoiled, and clearly uninterested in Furuta. He’s a bit attractive but just a bit. He looks older than his age. His hair is beginning to pepper already. Not at all as attractive as the famous Arima Kishou is supposed to be. The man who married his cousin hmm? What a great catch. Not. “You know…” he begins, “you’re not a looker like Arima Kishou. Or even your father for that matter. He looks younger than you. Did you know that? Neh~ Ma-chan, how does that make you feel?”

Furuta feels the corner of his mouth twitch as he sees a blood vessel raise on Matsuri’s forehead. The man’s fist clenches. Oh-ho~ how fun. “But you know,” he continues, “that’s okay. I hear that women like the distinguished older gentleman look. Just be sure not to gray too quickly. You’ll have to invest in some dye soon. Good thing you have your father’s money to pay for an expensive hair dresser.”

“Does this make you feel good? To slight others. A defense mechanism found commonly in ‘bullies.’ Children bullies that is.” Furuta feels himself puffing out his cheeks in a pout. He is six years old. What can this man expect? 

“...But,” Matsuri continues, “I suppose that you may be stuck in that stage. Did you not have a good relationship with Mr. Yasuhisa? Were you lonely growing up? My wife tells me that you didn’t have many children your age to be around either. Tell me… how does it feel not to be able to call your father, father?”

Furuta wants to explode. He glares at Matsuri from his spot on the couch, “Die. Die. Die. Die. Die. Die.”

“Oh. I see I’ve struck a sore spot. So you were unwanted? Trash to Mr. Yasuhisa one could say?” 

“I suppose.” Furuta grits out. “But I’m high-class trash. I’m recyclable.”

Furuta makes sure to answer the rest of Matsuri’s questions as rudely as possible and to hit every nerve he can find. He might not be a normal patient but this guy sure could try harder than this. Isn’t he supposed to be saving him from himself? “I bet Ma-chan was a lonely child too. You know your father is sooo protective of you. What’s your relationship like?”

Matsuri has a fake polite smile plastered on his face. It looks painful. Furuta wants to help him out, maybe rip it off for him? Nice and quick like a bandaid. It will only hurt for a second. 

“What? I’m genuinely curious. I’m just so jealous~ Did he love you lots as a child too?” Furuta goes on with suggestive eyebrows. 

“Gross.”

“Wrong. If that’s what Ma-chan wants then he shouldn’t feel ashamed of himself.” 

The two go on like this for the rest of the hour and soon their session laced with thinly veiled insults ends and Furuta is leaving before Matsuri can even acknowledge the time. The door slams shut behind him, rattling a plaque on the wall and Furuta stomps off through the hallways.

It’s true that he would rather not be at New Haven but then again… there is some possibility at angering his father further in this place and he knows it. He just has to find an opening. Furuta decides he is going to take down this ‘Matsuri’ while he is at it.

Furuta leaves for the day looking forward to his next visit. He has some research on the Washuu family to do before then though.


	4. Voices

-URIE-

It is the start of a new week and Urie is reflecting on his visit with Matsuri’s family. He has another meeting with the man in a few minutes and hopes to get feedback on his progress with his clients. Hopes because Matsuri is only interested in building status for himself here at New Haven so that he can someday take his father’s job. He doesn’t care about any of these patients. 

Matsuri lives with the rest of the Washuu family in their (disgustingly) large mansion. Urie was introduced to his wife, Iyo, an exceedingly beautiful and seemingly kind woman. Urie knew this had to be arranged due to the Washuu family’s status. There was no way that Matsuri could get the attention of a woman like that on his own. This is confirmed by Matsuri only minutes later as Urie is about to compliment her. (Too close). He has to stay in Matsuri’s good books.

Somehow it didn’t surprise Urie that much that Matsuri would complain about living in a mansion with a beautiful wife and an even more beautiful future paved in front of him. All the man could do was whine about his father and how he swore he would stay at the research center in Germany where he studied until Yoshitoki died. Apparently Tsuneyoshi asked him to return to help manage New Haven. The clinic had been expanding and taking over smaller health clinics. It is likely that a separate branch will come to fruition soon with the cooperation of the Yasuhisa’s. Matsuri seems rather excited about it. It will likely be a resort-spa getaway for their more well-off clients with on site therapists, support groups, and activities. Sounded a lot like a high class rehab to Urie.

The part that did surprise Urie was when Matsuri asked whether or not he planned to marry. Urie could only give a noncommittal “someday when the time is right.” 

Urie was seated in the waiting room drinking substandard office coffee whilst pondering this. Really, do I really think that?

“Urie?”

Mutsuki. “Yes?”

“What are you doing in the waiting room?” 

“Waiting for Matsuri (fuck-face). Are you just getting to work?” Urie notices for the first time that it is already ten in the morning and Shinasanpei Aura is trailing behind the other intern. (What a disappointment to his family).

“Yes, I had a doctors appointment this morning. I should be going now, we have a session.”

“Right. Gooday Mutsuki and (Idiot) Aura.”

Aura stuttered out a shy thank you before disappearing behind Mutsuki. 

As luck would have it, Matsuri finally decided to grace Urie with his presence and summoned him to follow.

-FURUTA-

A young dark haired man was leaving Matsuri’s office when Furuta arrived for his session. Furuta could not help but to notice the lingering gaze and predatory eyes that the older man had fixed on the retreating youth.

“Oh? He catches your eye? I admit he’s a looker. Don’t you have a wife though? You really are unfit for society.” Furuta takes it upon himself to appear guilty about his comment. Like he made a misstep. “Whoops! Sorry.” He plastered on the best smile he could under the circumstances of the company he was in and was blessed with the angriest glare he had received yet from the man. If looks could kill. It looks like he really hit a sore spot. This session is going to be fun. 

Furuta shuts the door to the office behind them. He wasn’t able to dig anything noteworthy up on the Washuu but this prospect was catching his interest fast. He would definitely find out who that man was from before. A patient? A co worker? He seemed too young.

He would be certain to worm it out of Matsuri though. He really did hope it was a patient. If not, well… he would figure something out.

-KOORI-

“How was your date?” Koori was sat in Arima’s office. It was almost time for their session to end and, as always, Arima brings about a lighter topic to end with. This session had been particularly heavy for him. Koori was itching to be back on the force but he still saw that man’s face flash through his mind when he closed his eyes to go to sleep at night. The nightmares were always there and he had problems sleeping at night because of them. It was at the point where Koori would repeat the names of Tokyo’s train stations (like the drinking game) to focus his mind enough to sleep.

Could he really be trusted with a gun again? Yes. Definitely, he answered himself quickly. Koori needed to eradicate the scum from Tokyo’s streets. 

“Koori?”  
Koori shook himself from his reverie. “Oh yes! I’m sorry. It was great. We went to this lame circus show that Hairu really wanted to go to.”

“You didn’t enjoy it?”

“I did but only because Hairu was there. Circuses aren’t really my thing,” he paused for a moment before adding nervously, “I’m thinking of making it official. Or well, asking Hairu to be my girlfriend. She said that if the first few dates went well then I could ask.”

“That’s great.” Arima graced him with the ghost of what could almost be a smile at the corner of his mouth. Has this guy ever smiled? “You think she’ll say yes then?”

“Eh?! You don’t think so?! Has she said something!! I thought she was having a great time. Like the date where we went drinking then ended up eating a ton of melon bread until we were sick or-”

“Koori. She hasn’t said anything. I was asking you.”

“Oh.” Koori put his hand to his heart and exhaled in relief, “Don’t scare me like that.” Well as long as she really hadn’t said anything… Not that Arima would tell him even if she had. She was another of his clients afterall. It’s a good think Koori supposed. This way he knew Arima didn’t talk about him to Hairu.

Arima really was amazing.

“Arima?”

“Yes?” The office door flies open before he can finish. What the hell? 

“Koori~~~ Your time is up! It’s my turn with Arima.” Hairu.

“Are you serious?!”

“Yup. It’s three o’clock,” she smirks at him in that attractive and confident way of hers.

“Geeze. You have no manners. Did you even get basic education?” Hairu just smiles and shows him the door. “See you later!”

Koori makes his way back to the lobby to wait for Hairu’s session to end. They have another date tonight so sitting in the adequately comfortable room isn’t too big of a deal for Koori who needs to calm his nerves anyway.

About thirty minutes into Hairu’s session and a young man appears to sit in the room with him. So this is Arima’s last patient of the day?

The young man is attractive. He must be popular with women. He has striking gray eyes and soft looking black hair save for a few strands of white. He was dressed nicely as well with a sweater on top of a collared shirt. Better dressed than most young adults his age. He was stunning really except that he was a bit too pale. Was he sick? 

Koori kept watching him. Something about the man was unsettling to him. He had spent enough time as a cop to know when to let his intuition lead him. The young man had this sadness about him or maybe even something haunting about him. 

It was when there was only fifteen minutes left to Hairu’s session that Koori heard it. The man was talking? But no one else was there and it wasn’t loud enough for him to be talking to Koori, he wasn’t even looking Koori’s way. He tried to casually lean in to hear more. 

Fifteen minutes later and Hairu emerged. Koori wasn’t able to make out what the stranger was saying but he looked distressed. Creepy. 

“Koori?” Hairu was speaking, “Is something wrong?”

“No.” Koori felt himself shaking his head out of a revere for the second time that afternoon. “Let’s go.”

“That’s a new patient of Arima’s right? I haven’t seen him before.”

“Seems like it.”

As they made their way out of the hobby and the attractive youth disappeared into Arima’s office Koori and Hairu could hear the office manager, Marude, barking to his assistant about something. That guy sure is loud.

“You sure you’re okay?” Hairu was asking again. 

“... That new guy, the one from the lobby, he was talking to himself… it was creepy.”

“A schizophrenic or something? That’s not too creepy. You’re the one that shot someone!”

“Hairu! I’m not crazy like that freak. You have to be careful around people like that and besides isn’t that a bit harsh?”

“You don’t even know the guy.”

“Wasn’t there another renown psychologist here before, Mado something I think, that got shot by a patient here? Voices told him to do it or something. It was on the news a few years back. Don’t you pay attention? Geeze no wonder PI’s don’t become cops. People like that should be put away before they harm anyone. It is for best of the majority”

“Whatever. Are you going to talk about this guy all night on our date too?”

“...No.” but he was worried. Hairu was too naive. 

Koori felt a shiver descend down the length of his spine.

Arima...

 

-ARIMA-

Haise had just walked in his office. His shoulders were raised higher than their prior sessions and his body language was more open to Arima. He seemed to have that same content silverish glow enter his eyes as they found their focus on Arima and he gave a polite greeting but Arima couldn’t stop thinking of his prior two sessions. The young man and woman who had left before Haise entered. 

“Haise? Would you give me another five minutes to make some notes? I promise to add the time to the end of our session.”

The young man gave his confirmation to this, though Arima already knew he would or he wouldn’t have bothered asking. 

Hairu seemed to give the opposite answers to what Koori said. Koori was good looking, intelligent, professional, well-off, and a lot of fun to be around but he was too judgemental of others, always in a mood, often complaining, high-strung, and prideful. He had these notions about being a hero of justice and if others didn’t fit his image then they were wrong or just plain criminals unfit for society. He meant well, he really did, but sometimes he was hard to be around. There could be problems in the future for those two. Hairu was a strong and independent woman and she would be fine, truth be told, it was Koori who he worried for. The keen officer had been rather anxious lately as it was.

Arima would think on this more later. Haise was here now and he was interested in how the dark haired man was doing.


	5. Hyde and Hide

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Two chapters in one day! My arm hurts from typing. Spoilers to Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde; careful if you wanted to read it (stop reading at the part under Arima's POV where he tells why he wants Haise to read it).

-HAISE-

Haise arrived for what was now his fourth session with Arima-san. Currently he was seated in the waiting room in anticipation for his session. Haise had told Arima that he had started his medicine but truth be told he didn’t like the way it felt so far. It’s true that the voices he was hearing were slowly dissipating and his confidence was rising as a result of not hearing their cruel words as often but he also felt slightly numb lately. Like he wasn’t able to experience or access his full range of emotions all of the time. Other times he was as emotional as ever. Haise figured this was likely him acclimating to the new drug in his system.

As it was, he could currently hear voices now telling him not to be excited to see Arima. Arima was only doing his job. He couldn’t like someone as ugly as him. Really just like his mother Haise too should just disappear before anyone gets hurt. 

Before he knew it it was his turn to enter Arima’s office. The other man in the room was looking at him apprehensively. Had he been talking aloud? Haise felt a slight rush of blood heat his cheeks. How embarrassing. His fist clenched slightly by his sides. This feeling of humiliation and sub-human status disappeared when his eyes settled on the reaper-like man. He sat erect and pristine behind his desk.

Arima-san asked him to wait a few more moments and Haise used the time to examine him. He was too shy to truly observe the man in his other sessions and now, with Arima’s attention focused elsewhere, seemed the perfect time. He had perfectly trimmed white hair and two equally perfectly manicured eyebrows. His glacial eyes were focused on whatever it was that he was writing. Haise wondered what Arima wrote about him. The man was pale but not overly so and he appeared to be extremely well built underneath his perfectly tailored suit. He was very attractive in Haise’s opinion. His body language spoke of a massive and dominant personality, quite the opposite of Haise’s own. Arima-san seemed to have confidence ingrained into every fiber of his being. Haise envied that.

Once Arima is ready for him, the two pick up, much to Haise’s delight, where they left off. Books. They talk about many and Haise expresses his feelings on them and tries to get Arima’s own opinions but the man never relents any information. 

Haise quiets feeling that this is too one sided and Arima takes notice. “What do you think Arima-san? You haven’t voiced your opinion on any of them yet? Is there a different topic you would like perhaps?”

Arima pauses to consider him for a moment. Looking up from his pad of paper. 

“Well, I suppose I like The Strange Case of Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde. Are you familiar with this one?”

Surprisingly Haise isn’t and voices as much.

Arima rehashes a quick summary to him. The tale centers around a prominent doctor and a crazed and violent man who has suddenly appeared and seems, for reasons unbeknownst to everyone else, to be well acquainted with the doctor. So well acquainted, in fact, that one day the doctor makes him the sole beneficiary of everything he owns should he either die or be missing for more than three days. This causes those close to the doctor to worry that Hyde has blackmailed him. Hyde becomes increasingly violent and goes so far as to kill a man while Jekyll becomes increasingly more withdrawn to the point that he does not leave his house. 

Arima stops his summary there and offers Haise the ghost of a teasing smile at the corner of his lips as the young man leans eagerly forward to hear more. “Well, I suppose I won’t ruin the ending for you. Perhaps if you are interested you can read it and we will talk it over next time.”

Haise looks utterly defeated. His eagerness to hear the end squashed by Arima. “Oh… okay then Arima-san. I’ll be sure to read it.” He was so deflated. It was endearing to the other. Suddenly Haise lit a bit more, he leaned forward with a playful little smile and eager eyes, “but… if I do read it, you have to promise me to give me your opinion on it first. I want a good well-thought out review. You’ve been to college. Don’t half-heart it.”

Arima gives him a small smile in response. “It’s a deal then.”

Arima looks at him for some time and then asks, “How has your home life been? You mentioned your friend, Hide? The two of you are living together, no? Have you been enjoying that?”

Hide. School. Bored. Embarrassed. Guilty.

It’s true Hide was still camping out in his living room every night. Haise loved him for it but he was also embarrassed. It was like Hide wasn’t his friend in those moments, not in the sense that Hide was acting any differently but in the sense that Haise knew he was there to babysit him. He truly felt like a child. That was the worst part of all this, with his… attempt… he had lost all credibility with Hide. If Hide ever knew the full truth then Haise would likely never feel like an equal to him again. His credibility to society as a whole would be broken. Haise didn’t want that. Hide couldn’t know. No one could. It would have to remain his and Arima’s secret. Arima was a good confident and Haise truly enjoyed his presence deeply. Even though Arima knew the truth about him, he didn’t feel judged and he didn’t feel babysat. He seemed to accept Haise as he was and truly accept his words. They both loved books as well. Hide couldn’t even get through one without falling asleep, he thinks fondly. This was the tragedy of youths these days though.

Then there was school. If it wasn’t enough that Hide threw away his time to sleep on Haise’s couch, Hide who had been preparing to study English abroad for a semester had also decided to stay for Haise’s sake. He seemed so excited about America too. By the time Haise found out that he had canceled all his meticulously carved out plans, it was too late to stop him. Hide ensured him that it was no big deal and that he wasn’t so sure about teaching English or getting a government job anymore anyway. 

On top of this guilt Haise was also bored and anxious. Haise was tired of sitting home alone while Hide and everyone else prepared for the new Fall Semester. He had acquired a part-time job at a cafe but that only eased the loneliness and inadequacy off a little. He couldn’t wait until Spring. He could also do for some alone time.

Haise didn’t really want to talk about any of that though so instead he only shared that he enjoyed Hide’s presence and he wished the man liked reading as much as Arima. He only liked manga and would fall asleep whenever Haise tried to read to him. Haise felt himself smiling and his spirit lifting as he retold stories. He chanced a look at Arima and noticed the man was about to speak again. He didn’t want that. He didn’t want anymore tough questions. He glanced to the clock and realized they were overtime again. He didn’t think he’d feel so relieved about this.

“Oh! Look at the time. We’re over again! I should go. I’m sorry for keeping you again Arima-san.”

Arima’s mouth clipped shut for a moment. Haise continued. “I’ll be sure to read that book for next time.”

Arima hesitated but then let him go. “Yes. I look forward to it.”

With that, Haise escaped.

 

-ARIMA-

Arima was enjoying his session with Haise. Listening to the young man ramble on once more. He shared more of his feelings and worries this time and Arima counteracted them with different interpretations and questions himself whenever Haise had too dark or negative an interpretation. The young man was very intelligent and all his analyses were well thought out, deeply insightful, and unique. Arima loved listening to him and hearing the passion in his voice.

Haise was slowing down. He was watching him expectantly. Why? “Arima-san hasn’t shared any of his opinions with me…” Haise then asked if there was another subject he would rather discuss. Arima paused for a moment deciding now would be a good time to see if Haise was familiar with Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde, the story he wanted his opinion about. He provided Haise with a summary and watched as the man leaned forward on baited breath waiting to hear the conclusion but Arima would not be giving him that relief today. He gave him instructions to read it over and think about the text. Arima wanted his opinion because the book had an interesting twist at the end. It is discovered later that Dr. Jekyll was himself Mr. Hyde. The two had never been in a room together. Jekyll had been experimenting and creating concoctions, one of which was a potion that turned him into Mr. Hyde. Overtime he began to change on his own and he had no way of controlling it. It got to the point that he would soon not be able to change back to the person he once was. In the end he turned into Hyde and could not revert so he killed himself.

Arima wanted to know what Haise’s reaction would be to this. He knows from the mans other analysis of books that he is worried about one day losing touch with reality, much the same as Jekyll in a sense, and that he will not be the same. Perhaps he will be violent and hurt his friends. Damage his reputation. He wonders if this is why Haise tried to kill himself. 

He doesn’t think Haise would answer that question outright. The man would likely shut down to his questions and he would have to build an environment of trust and comfort from scratch again. If Haise was only responding to a book though… well maybe he would get somewhere solid with the other. He had not forgotten about Haise’s previous mention of the Black Goat’s Egg either. Perhaps those two books together could help Arima get to the depths of Haise’s psyche.

Before Haise went home Arima also wanted to talk about the Nagachika boy. Something he wondered about for a while now and so he asked. As expected though, Haise wormed his way around what Arima wanted to hear and told goofy stories instead. He wasn’t ready.

Arima was about to ask if he was happy with his part-time job that he mentioned but Haise spoke again before he could. They were over session again. This time by thirty minutes. It was going to be another late night for Arima. He didn’t mind though. He was enjoying Haise’s company more than he had enjoyed anyone else's for as far back as he could remember which was far more than he cared to admit. 

He told Haise goodbye before making more notes in his book. Today had been a long day.

-HIDE-

Hide was waiting at the apartment for Haise to return. He had read the same paragraph in his textbook book more times than he could even recall now. “Ahg!” He slammed head on the table fgfgfghgfh. He couldn’t wait until Haise returned. He knew there was something that the other man was hiding from him. Every time he was hiding something, he would touch his chin. He did that all the time now when Hide asked if everything was alright. Haise probably wanted his apartment back and some alone time but Hide couldn’t bring himself to leave when he didn’t know what was wrong. He couldn’t risk losing him permanently.

That night… That night Hide thought that he would die with him. Haise was his only support and his only true friend. They had been best friends for as long as Hide could remember. Every memory of his had the shadow of Haise in it. For him to suddenly not be there… Hide shuddered at the thought.

All that blood that night. He felt the blood draining from his own face. He was cold all of a sudden. He hoped that Haise would hurry home. Didn't he finish a while ago? He got up to close the window and fetch a sweater. When he returned to the living room, Haise was walking in. There was a lightness to his walk and a sparkle in his eyes that hadn’t been there for a long time. Hide felt his own heart lighten. This difference in Haise was astounding. That psychologist, Arima, really was amazing after all. Guess you don't get all that prestige around your name for nothing.

Haise smiled at him and gave greeting whilst removing his shoes. He traveled over to the couch but before he sat he noticed the clippings all over the coffee table. “Hide what are all of these?”

That’s right… He had forgot to clean them up. Hide had been watching the news lately. They were running a feature on a woman who had been found drowned in a bathtub with her torso mutilated. It was disturbing to say the least. The police had no leads so far. It seems that she was single and had no family in the area. Her friends all state tearfully to the news media that she was kind and had no enemies. Everyone loved her. They had no idea who would do such a thing. Shortly after another female body was found, this time drowned in a public pool with another mutilated torso. Police believe the cases to be connected for obvious reasons. They are calling the perpetrator “Torso.” They are also urging everyone to be careful and to stay safe and indoors past dark. Tokyo might have a serial killer on it’s hands.

Hide had taken the time to make notes and clippings from all the papers. This is what Haise was looking at. They were currently spread across the coffee table. Something about the case didn’t sit right with Hide. It reminded him of the woman who had been found in the city park’s lake a month back. Though her torso wasn’t mutilated… Still though, could she have been the first? 

“-de. Hide. Hide!”

“Huh?”

“I’ve been calling your name. Are you okay? You looked really focused,” Haise is looking at him concerned.

“Yeah just lost in thought is all. I was curious about the case. Something caught my attention.”

Hide explains his theory to a bewildered Haise. 

“But why are you looking into something like this?”

“I’m thinking of joining the case!” Hide says enthusiastically. “I bet I’d be good at it!”

Haise looks horrified at the idea. “Hide! That’s dangerous! Don’t joke around about this stuff!”

He looks like he is about to yell some more but then suddenly stops. “Haise?” Haise is now looking downcast at the floor.

“Is this my fault now too?” he asks with a bitter tone.

“Haise what?” Hide is shocked, “Is what your fault? What’s wrong?”

“Nothing. I’m going to bed.” He begins to walk away with his head cast towards the floor.

“But it’s only 7:30?!”

“...I just need some alone time,” he mumbles out, “I’m going to read and get some tea. Do you want any?”

“No… I’m good. Are you sure you’re okay right now?”

“Yes.” Fake smile and chin touch all in one. He wasn’t being honest again. Hide wished that Haise could just be honest with him for once. Didn't he trust him after all these years? Hasn't Hide always been there for him? Has he ever judged him? But Haise has already turned his back to him busying himself with the kettle. Figures. He’s always wearing this mask… Haise soon disappears to his bedroom, tea in hand to be alone.

Leaving Hide alone as well. Hide needed something to do, something to occupy his mind with and this case was just that for him. Hide wanted be cop. Truth be told he had been thinking about it for a while, not just to get his mind off of Haise. He had never wanted to go abroad and leave Haise behind, not even for a semester. But at the same time he had also wanted to leave Haise behind in a sense. Lately he had been thinking about the other man in ways that friends shouldn’t. It was Haise’s fault really! What with his passionate and endearing shyness and his love for those huge incomprehensible books. Then there was those rare smiles that lit up rooms when they were genuine. His delicate but lean frame and those girly lashes and his lips were also a plus and- “UGH!”

Hide’s head fell into his hands. He pulled at his hair in frustration as he cradled his head. Yes he was relieved to stay with Haise but some distance to clear his head would have been nice. If he was honest with himself, he had been interested in Haise much longer than “just recently” but lately it’s been too hard to ignore anymore. Thinking of him that way though was a betrayal of Haise’s trust in him. It was so gross of him. Come on Hide! What if they weren't friends anymore after he confessed. Would Haise leave him alone? That guy could be so cold when things were too hard for him to handle. Hide was doing his best to pretend to be interested in the girls at Big Girl or the cute waiter from the coffee shop that Haise was working at now but he couldn’t stop thinking of him no matter how hard he tried.

Haise wasn’t just in all his memories now, he was in all his thoughts as well. 

If Hide couldn’t go abroad, he could at least find a way to help in this case while it held interest for him.

“Torso, huh…”

 

-HAISE-

 

Hide wants to join that case? It was dangerous though. Dangerous and all his fault. 

Judging from the twinkle in Hide’s eyes he knew he wasn’t going to be able to talk him out of it. All sorts of things influenced Hide and there was no swaying him from something he had set his mind too. Haise was the worst. He let Hide know that he was going to bed. 

“But it’s only 7:30?!” Hide protested.

“I just need some alone time. I’m going to read.”

He had picked up a copy of that book Arima had recommended and was set on losing himself in it with some tea. Dr. Jekyll. Tea. Arima. Don’t think about Hide. 

It’s my fault.

Think about Arima instead.

Arima and his marble features, his pristine suit, and tidy office, the books on the shelves. His calm patience with Haise and the small minute smiles he occasionally steals from the man when Haise says something he likes or didn’t think of. The way his muscular arms move underneath his suit as his hand jots notes across paper. The way that his obviously toned body flexes as he leans back to give Haise his full attention. What would that body feel like to touch? Arima-san has nice full lips too. What??

Haise is alarmed. Maybe he shouldn’t be thinking about this after all.

Fantastic. Just another thing for him to feel guilty about now. But he’s so lonely. He doesn’t want to burden Hide any more though. He wants someone to enjoy his company and not fret over him and his every mood. He wants to talk about books and world cultures. He wants to see Arima again.

He turns to page one. “Mr Utterson the lawyer was a man of rugged countenance…”


	6. Unwelcome Intrusions

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is good to listen to in the background as you read the chapter:  
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5fNLEPrNi2A
> 
> It will help you get the feeling of the chapter's settings

-HAISE- 

Haise has been eagerly anticipating his next session with Arima. With little else to do, he had finished the recommended novel in record time. The novel itself was good. It was a classic that was still widely respected despite being written in the 1800's, after all. It was well written and compelling. Haise was turning pages late into the night and then into the early morning hours. He had spent his shift the next day at Anteiku with itching fingers that longed to return to the thin yellowing pages of the cheap used copy that he had acquired. Touka had yelled at him a lot that day; angry that she had to fix his orders more than she usually had to. The book was also a good read to Haise because Arima had recommended it. This made it precious. He felt closer to the aloof older man as he turned the pages and traced the words with his fingers. It was like the two were having a conversation and Haise had a small window to peek into Arima’s mind. This was a book that Arima had picked himself. There had to be a reason for it. 

Haise wasn’t stupid either though. The novel reminded him quite a bit of himself. This was clearly the reason that Arima had recommended it to him but what was the reason that he had picked it up the first time? Moreover, if Haise was right and Haise’s past was indeed the reason that Arima had him read it, then Haise wanted to hear his opinion about the novel more than ever. What did he think of Haise? Was it the same thoughts that he scribbled over his notepad with those long deft fingers of his when the two were in session? 

Haise grabbed his coat and umbrella and bid goodbye to Hide who was listening intently to the news in the living room. Hide did not look up, enraptured with the television and more gruesome news on another killing. This time a woman was found with her torso mutilated and posed nude in her bedroom. How perverse, Haise thought. On top of the terrible news of the woman's murder, it seems that the police were still clueless about who the perpetrator could be. Panic was building. He stepped out his door and into the pouring rain. The end of summer was already bringing with it powerful fall storms, the kind that one would expect much later in the season. These storms seemed to have come on earlier and stronger than normal but it was fitting in that poetic type of sense when one took into consideration the dark deaths that had been occurring throughout Tokyo. The thunder and lightening brought with them that same electric urgency that was filling the city. Haise had not forgotten Hide’s own eagerness to follow these brutal killings. The scent of rain was thick in his nose and water fell in cascades from his umbrella as he made his way towards the bus stop. The fear he held for Hide had not diminished either. 

It might sound over-dramatic but Hide was as necessary to Haise as his own heart was for him to live. He needed Hide with him. He hoped Hide wouldn’t take his curiosity too far and do anything truly reckless. Hide was like the cat from the old adage that lets its curiosity get the best of it and is killed as a result and if this was true then Haise would be one of those rabbits that Hide cooed over in pet store windows. The ones that Hide said died of loneliness as he dragged him inside to play with them.

He arrived at Arima’s office in record time thanks to his urgency to get out of the storm. He greeted Arima as he hastily took his seat across from the man. The scenery of the city engulfed in black rain clouds and the occasional flash of lightning behind his statuesque reaper was breathtaking. 

“Did you get here all right?”

“Yeah.” Haise chirped back though he could feel his hair a bit damp against his forehead from the mist that his umbrella failed to prevent. “Well Arima, since I made that trek in the rain I expect to hear your report on the book. What do you like about it? Dislike, maybe? You promised an in depth review for my cooperation in reading it.”

Arima gave him a smirk.

“Right to business I see.” He leaned back in his chair, those lean muscles that Haise suspected were beneath his suit flexing as he relaxed in this new pose to gaze at Haise with rapt attention. Arima started his review to Haise beginning with what he thought of the book overall. Similar to Haise he found it to be a compelling read. Haise listened intently as he absorbed Arima’s thoughts letting out silent hums of agreement or grunts of displeasure when he didn’t like something Arima said. Haise’s attention was truly captured though when Arima told him that he didn't like the ending of the story. Something that Haise again disagreed with Arima on. Arima continued on. It was an ending fit for a monster and a good conclusion for the book overall but Jekyll, in Arima's opinion, was no monster and he couldn’t help but wonder what would have happened if Jekyll had reached out for help earlier. Would it still have ended the same. 

His heart caught in his rib cage suddenly as Arima peered directly into his eyes. Lightening was reflecting over the glossy surface of the desk and refracting off the room's metallic lamp as the sounds of the storm raged on in the background. “Haise, I originally picked up this book because I have a great interest in psychology. I recommended it to you, however, because there were parts of it that were reminiscent of you in it. Doesn’t something about the tragedy of Jekyll remind you of yourself?”

That gaze was unwavering. Eyes as stormy as the sky behind them. Haise looked down at his entwined thumbs in his lap. “I…”  
Crack. The thunder was rumbling angrily outside. “You tell me… this is still your review after all.”

Arima re-positioned himself again. This time leaning forward and folding his hands under his chin before engaging Haise once more. “Haise. It occurs to me that you may think that you are a monster, no? Similar to your mother’s case.” Haise’s head jerked up but Arima pressed forward before he could interrupt, “Yes, Haise. I have her file as well. It is deeply entwined with your own after all. Though what I don’t have is your take on it. You mentioned to me once that the Black Goat’s Egg was relatable to you? Most would not say that. Is it because you are afraid to become her? What happened when you were younger? The file does not include that, only that she was on the same medication that you yourself are now on and then she killed herself, leaving her ten year old son behind to be found by his neighbors crying in a puddle of his mother’s blood.”

Haise’s mouth was dry. As dry as those pages that he would spend time wetting his thumbs for in order to turn them. Perhaps one of them was crumpled up and caught in his throat now. His mouth felt dry enough for kindling; tongue like a large thick cotton swab was wrapped around it hungrily absorbing all the moisture. The heat of fire was burning up his cheeks. He would not cry here.

He got up and left.

There was still another fifteen minutes left to their session but Arima said nothing as he departed.

Haise made his way back into the storm and let his thoughts run wild and sobs choke out as more of Arima's words swam through his mind. 

‘Haise. It occurs to me that you might want to die in order to protect the ones you love from yourself but isn’t it just because you’re selfish. You don’t want them to see you like that? Or maybe Haise, you’re afraid that you are becoming your mother just like protagonist from the Black Goat’s Egg. Did you try to stop it before it could get that far? Before you lost touch with reality. ... Haise. I’m glad that you lived.'

Haise walked home with his umbrella shut letting the rain absorb his tears.

-MUTSUKI-

His workday had ended hours ago but Mutsuki had stayed behind to get caught up on paperwork. It was now late into the night and the storm was raging on as powerful as ever. Mutsuki fumbled with his keys as he made his way through the dark parking garage listening for the responding beep of his old Honda as he pressed the button on his keys to locate it. 

It was so cold already and he really hadn’t dressed warm enough for the temperature it had descended to tonight. Mutsuki couldn’t wait to be home, curled up under a blanket on his couch with some hot tea, a good book, and the warm body of his cat pressed up against him purring for attention. 

The day had been a long one. Mutsuki sat in session with Aura first, his sweet shyness taking some edge off of the storm raging outside the clinic windows. The boy was quiet. He responded only when Mutsuki asked gently prodding questions, and though no one had asked Mutsuki for his opinion on the matter, he had secretly decided that the young Aura boy was too kind for the other more stoic members of his family. Aura’s greatest weakness seemed to be himself and the expectations set up for him by his family. It was to be expected really. 

After Aura came a break in his schedule to gather his thoughts and discuss his cases with his supervisor, Akira. Akira was a brilliant and beautiful young woman. She was advanced in her career for her age and carried herself with a confident dignity that Mutsuki could only hope to acquire some years down the line. She was truly admirable. Her late father must be smiling on fondly from above. 

In the hallway after the debriefing, Mutsuki ran into Urie, his fellow intern. Urie was another person that Mutsuki could only hope to one day emulate. He took all his work seriously and all of the higher-ups were excited about him. Matsuri Washuu, the CEO’s son, had taken a particular liking to him. Urie would have a bright future ahead of him, one that he had worked hard for and deserved. 

Urie, at the moment, however, was engaged in a shouting match with Shirazu, a patient of Fura’s. From what Mutsuki could gather, Shirazu was trying to pry information out of Urie on how to get into Kamii University’s psychology department and how best to answer the questions of the interviewers from the admissions office. Shirazu has been deeply inspired by the counselors here, not just the amazing Arima Kishou but the kindly, relaxed Fura and even Urie himself. He too wants to help people someday and make a good living to support himself and his sick younger sister. 

Urie is telling him that a delinquent like himself could never get in and to start with something more achievable like a smaller college but Shirazu won’t have it. New Haven won’t accept anyone from a college any lesser than Kamii. Urie just snorts in response. There’s no way an idiot like him could get a job at a place like New Haven, Urie responds. 

Mutsuki departs quickly before either can see him. He doesn’t want to get involved. Ducking into another hallway he passes Matsuri’s open door and lo-and-behold hears more shouting. Sheesh. Everyone seems to be high-strung today. A good looking man with sleek chin length black hair is bantering with Matsuri in his office. Matsuri doesn’t look at all pleased as he pinches the bridge of his nose.

Finally, Mutsuki passes the weird kid, Juuzo, with Shinohara before escaping back into his small office space to prepare for his least favorite patient at New Haven. Karao Saeki. 

Back in the car Mutsuki feels a deep shudder wrack over his body as he inhales the deep musky smell of stuffy car and the trapped moisture from the rain escaping through the tiny crease on a back window that won’t quiet close all the way. The earthy smell and the sound of the windshield wipers helps ground him in the moment as he turns on his defroster and takes a left turn, the headlights of another car blaring in his review window. 

There is no reason for Mutsuki to be so uneasy around the man or to think so poorly of him. He is a kind man in his mid thirties. He has a drawn face and large eyes. His limbs are long like that scary myth of slender man that he saw Saiko, a viral blogger's, internet page this one time… no. no. no. Mutsuki. He is your patient. You can’t think of him like that. 

The man has never done anything wrong per say but sometimes as he describes his loneliness or the way he misses his dead girlfriend, Minomi, Mutsuki gets creeped out. Today he confessed that he spent hours before falling asleep last night just inhaling an old favorite dress of hers that he keeps in a plastic bag to preserve the smell. Mutsuki assured him that it was natural to want to feel closer to a lost loved one. In fact, smell is the strongest sense to do this with because it is deeply intertwined with human memory and emotions. This is due to the close proximity of the olfactory bulbs to the amygdala and the hippocampus, the regions in the brain responsible for feeling powerful emotions and for memory storage. 

Mutsuki doesn’t say aloud that the plastic preservative for the scent is a bit much because each person is different. Saeki isn’t necessarily doing anything weird. Still, Mutsuki feels discomfort with the way that the other man stares at him.

It was towards the end of the session where Mutsuki’s blood ran cold. “This weather sure is depressing especially in light of the news of those women’s deaths. It’s all people seem to be able to talk about lately. Are you scared, Mutsuki?”

“You’re right, there certainly is a heavy presence that seems to be suffocating Tokyo lately. Those poor women… but, why would I be afraid?”

“Because you’re a woman too right?” He asks, staring with those huge bulging eyes of his watching his face. Mutsuki’s pen drops and he sucks in a huge breath of air.

Saeki continues, “I’m sorry. It’s just that I had overheard you talking to your superiors one day when I first started here and you said that you preferred to be known as a man. I thought that you probably didn’t have many confidences. I don’t either you know. Other than you, I mean. You can talk to me about it if you’re scared Mutsuki.” His huge owl-like eyes continued to bore into Mutsuki’s own.

“I…” Mutsuki did his best to recover. “I’m fine. Thank you. Besides these sessions are about you. As it is, we are out of time today. You should get home before the weather gets worse. I look forward to our next session.”

Saeki smiled pleasantly in return. “Of course, thank you as always Mutsuki. I always feel so much better after talking to you. Stay dry and safe.” With that he left.

Mutsuki sat in the office, heart racing for the next half hour just trying to calm himself down. Some coffee he decided. Some coffee would definitely help him gather his thoughts before he had to do his paperwork. He excused himself to Yoshitoki and Marude in the breakroom as he retrieved some of the bitter liquid and took steadying breaths while listening to the others discuss, of all things, the brutal states of the women’s bodies that were found. And with that topic he decided the small office really was better after all. 

The walls back in the office seemed like they were closing in. The glass didn’t seem strong enough to contain the rain that blasted the cold surfaces of the windows. He knows. There is no reason for that to be so unsettling. It’s completely innocent. But Mutsuki didn’t like people knowing his secret. Knowing his real gender. 

Another crack of thunder brought Mutsuki back to the present in the car. He parked under the covered spot allotted to him in his apartment complex, grabbed his umbrella, and quickly began running to get out of the rain. He reached his apartment door and froze. That’s strange. The front window was cracked open. He could have sworn he had remembered to close it this morning because of the poor weather, but then again... Well, he had been in a rush. He must have forgotten in the end. 

Mutsuki hurried inside and tossed his coat over a chair, shut the window with a clang, and quickly turned on the stove for the tea kettle. He was going to do exactly as he promised himself on the way home. Get in pajamas with a good book and relax. The furry face of his dark haired tabby greeting him from the couch, waiting for the attention that was sure to soon follow. 

-SAEKI-

It is freezing outside in the rain here Tooru. Do you know? That’s okay though, because I love you. 

“Tooru…”

He stood outside watching the other through the window from his spot concealed in the bushes. Watching as Tooru stripped down and got ready with sleep clothes to relax.

He took a deep inhale of the underwear gripped in his hand and let out a happy smile.

-HAISE-

Haise had returned early from his session with Arima that day with his mind in an anguished turmoil. He slammed the apartment door behind him, changed quickly in the bathroom (Hide couldn't be allowed to realize the state that he was in), and slumped down next to Hide on the couch. “You okay man?”

“Yeah. Just a really bad storm out there.”

Hide stared at him a little longer before grunting and deciding he was satisfied enough with that answer. He turned his head back to his movie.

Haise continued to sit beside Hide silently stewing in his anger for Arima. How dare he ask that, know that, look so calm as he asked that… Haise didn’t quiet know which part to focus his anger on as his head turned Arima’s insinuations over again and again. He wanted to sob right here on the couch next to Hide and cry into his shoulder like he used to when they were children.

Haise sat in self pity a little while longer before he finally caught onto what was playing on the television set before him. “Hide, what are you watching?”

“Girl Interrupted.” Hide seemed glued to it. He was leaning forward, shoving fistfuls of popcorn in his mouth as he watched. 

Haise knows that movie. It’s a movie about a woman’s stay at a mental hospital in the 1960's. Of course.

Haise shuts his eyes before removing himself from the couch and making his way out of the room. He slams the door to his bedroom behind him.

Hide jumps, startled out of his intense focus on the movie.

"..." 

“Haise?” Haise hears the quiet voice at his door and the soft knocking.

He ignores the knocks. He can see the shadow of Hide’s feet contrasted in the light of the hallway showing through the crack under his door. Hide remains there not moving for another ten minutes or so before the shadow finally retreats back the way it came and the hallway light turns off. The sounds of the TV disappear with it. 

Haise lets out a muffled scream into his pillow and sobs into it. He didn’t mean for Hide’s night to be ruined too. 

Haise cries himself to sleep that night. Images of Arima’s empty eyes boring into him with a deadly intensity take turns with his mother's bloody corpse and then with Hide’s desperate pain-filled face. Hide's face is ghost white save for traces of Haise’s blood on it as he wails from his spot on the bathroom floor drenched in bloody bath water and clutches Haise's lifeless body praying to every deity he knows that an ambulance arrives in time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have the outline for the next chapter done already so I will hopefully get it out soon. I hope you enjoyed this one in the meantime. I love your comments so give me your thoughts and reactions!


	7. The Simmering Pot

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry I have not updated in so long. I graduated from college this last June and then got a new job. It has been really stressful and hard trying to learn everything. I have been coming home and going straight to bed after making lunch and dinner. The whole rinse, wash, and repeat drill. Anyway. I'm back now. I hope you'll forgive my absence. I haven't forgotten about any of you and I have an extra long chapter for you.
> 
> I hope that you enjoy. Please comment! I love to hear your thoughts as always!

-MATSURI-

Matsuri was taking his time in the break room drinking coffee. His session with Furuta started ten minutes ago but he can wait. The man isn’t going anywhere. He only comes to these things so that his father doesn’t cut him off. Matsuri would rather take this time to work on strategies for his other patients and to expand on his plans for the new branch that the Washuu’s and Yasuhisa’s have been planning to co-run together. Furuta is probably happy that he isn’t there. They’ve made no progress. 

The younger man is such a child. Most days he is making fun of Matsuri and his favoritism for Urie. Other days he is quiet and just sits there, sometimes answering questions. 

He is good at reading others and digging his claws in deep. Matsuri will give him that much. He’s like a rat who scurries around in the darkness finding even the smallest of crumbs and then escaping back the way he came. Shrewd, resourceful, and disgusting.

Arima is walking by as he looks up. 

Matsuri really hates that man. He’s worshipped by everyone for his achievements. Each year brings new Arima devotees to New Haven. His own family loves him, they rode on his back to success using him as the good steed he is. Arima would be nothing without his family though. Someday he has to slip up. Matsuri would make sure it was brought to light when he did. 

Matsuri makes his way to his office for his session with Furuta now that twenty minutes have passed. The younger man is sprawled across the couch, eyes engaged to his phone screen. “Hey.” He doesn’t even look up.

“How are you today, Furuta?”

“Good.”  
“What is good to you?”

“Hmm. Sperm donor, or rather, my father if you will, wants to have dinner with me. What do you make of this Ma-chan?”

Oh. This is something new. He can’t help it but he is actually interested. Very much so but he will never let Furuta know that.

“Did he say why?”

“Nope.” Furuta pauses, then “Help me think of a response.”

Matsuri leans back in his chair to consider this development. It’s no secret to those who know of Yasuhisa’s secret son that the man has never shown interest in Furuta before. He probably wouldn’t notice if his bastard son were to die or go missing. He probably didn’t even know what he looked like. He only cared about Furuta’s suicide attempt this time because it happened to be from the top of his most profitable hotel. What could he possibly want now? Guilt maybe? Something else?

“Do you want to have dinner with him?”

“No… not really.”

“Then say no.”

“Then I won’t know what he wants.” He couldn’t admit it aloud but Matsuri wanted to know too.

“Then ask what he wants and say no after.”

“Then he might not ask again.”

“I thought you didn’t like him.”

“I don’t.”

“Right.”

“It’s complicated.”

Matsuri snorts. “Sure.”

“Fine it’s not. He had me and cast me away. I’m not sure what he wants but I know what I want. I want him to grovel for me and then when he thinks that he has won me back for whatever game he wants I want to crush him like the maggot he is. Thaaaat’s it!~” Furuta says all of this with an eerily calm yet sickening grin on his face. Matsuri had no doubt that this might have been the first truthful thing he’s said to him. “But then again, I suppose that you could relate no? Though I don’t know why you seem rather intent at hating your own dear father.” 

Furuta stares at him “What would you say to Yoshitoki?”

Matsuri considers. This is definitely the most interesting undertaking that has occurred in a while. He couldn’t take this too far of course, the Yasuhisa’s were profitable business partners and long time friends of the Washuus, but… “What does it say precisely.” It couldn’t hurt to find out more and he really wanted to know.

Furuta reads it off to him: “Nimura, it occurs to me that it has been a long time since we have spoken. In light of recent events it would be prudent for us to catch up. Have dinner with me this evening at eight pm. There will be a driver to pick you up. Sarutobi Yasuhisa.”

“How warm and welcoming.” Matsuri smirks. “It doesn’t seem like he was asking you. Don’t respond and find out what happens.”

“I could just not go. That would be fun.”

“If he cuts you off?”

“Not fun.” Truthfully, Furuta doesn’t need his money. He made sure that he could be self sufficient long ago. He even studied business for a time mostly so he could investigate his father’s company on his own. Find some way to show that his father was cooking the books * and hiding an illicit company underneath but even as close as he is to the company he hasn’t been able to gather all the evidence that he wants. It is true that he could likely try to make a claim now but none of the women that worked for his father would back his claims. Some weren’t citizens, others were scared of the corporations and had nothing else in life, and even for the ones that were there of their own free will they stayed quiet. They were all paid handsomely. 

The clients certainly wouldn’t help. They came from rich and reputable companies and had many powerful lawyers to shield them, just like Furuta’s own father. Furuta wanted to expose all of them. He didn’t even know who all of the clients were but he suspected that the Washuu family may be amongst them. He had no proof of course even after digging around. The only proof Furuta had was his long dead mother and his own secret birth.

Matsuri glances at the clock before he can go to speak again.

Surprisingly the two were over session. 

“Well Furuta, for once in my life I can honestly say that I am looking forward to our next session.”

Furuta says nothing as he departs.

-MUTSUKI-

Mutsuki is in session with Saeki again. He is trying to focus on what the gaunt man is saying but the words just aren’t coming through. It's much like the sensation of the swimmer's ear that he used to get as a child. Mutsuki hasn’t been able to shake the feeling that something is wrong ever since the night with the window at his apartment. He knew he was just being paranoid and yet, the feeling remained.

Sob. 

Sob. Crying. Who is crying? Mutsuki returns his attention to the room. Saeki has his face burrowed between two bony knuckled fists as he lets out harsh choked noises. Like an animal. An animal? Aren’t you being too cruel Mutsuki? He internally berates himself. “...and so” Saeki trails on, finishing what must have been the topic of their session for today. “Thanks to that anonymous informant the police have now concluded that Minami was the first victim in the string of killings. My beloved Minami!” Wail. “Can you believe it?! She must have been so afraid. If only I could hold her close one last time and inhale the scent of her!” His sobbing continues and Mutsuki feels a stir of sympathy in his heart. Saeki must really be struggling right now. He couldn't imagine knowing that someone he loved died in such a horrible manner. He would want to hold them close one last time too.

"So the police have a lead then?"

"If you can call that a lead. They say that her death wasn’t like the others and that her unique status as the first to die tells of a personal connection to the killer. Now the police want to question me since I was her lover. Mutsuki. It's horrible. I’m not strong enough to talk to them.”

“It’s okay Saeki." Mutsuki wants to comfort him. He understands the police's urgency but he also understands Saeki's resistance to want to speak of his departed lover to the police. "Remember those deep breathing techniques we talked about? Breathe in for four counts. Hold it for two. Release for another four and repeat. Remember to breath from your stomach. Not your chest.” Mutsuki pauses while he accommodates his request. “Yes, that’s it. How do you feel now?”

“Better. You always make it better Mutsuki.”

“Good. Now as for the police, you only have to answer the bare minimum of questions. I know the case is important but you, as my client, come first. You are my first priority. Do you think you can manage that?” “Yes, Mutsuki.” Saeki obliges graciously. “Oh. It seems our session is over," he adds. "To think that I just blabbered on for an hour without letting you talk today. How rude of me. Thank you Mutsuki you listen so attentively. I feel so at peace when I’m with you.”

“You’re welcome,” Mutsuki responds as the other male makes his way out of the room.

How strange. There’s that feeling again...

-ARIMA-

Haise has not come to session today. Arima cannot say that he is exactly surprised but he isn’t pleased either. A strange tug at his heart has him rather nonplussed. He has had patients skip meetings before. But Haise is rather special to him. It has been a long time since he has enjoyed someone's company as much as Haise’s.

Arima makes a call to the young man and is sent directly to voicemail. “Haise. You missed our session today. I hope that you are not under the weather. I would like to reschedule with you for sometime later in the week. Perhaps you may have a book recommendation for me this week.”

Perhaps relieving the pressure of the last session will ease Haise back into their sessions again. Best to let the pot simmer for a while after bringing it to a boil. Arima has no plans of letting the topic go though for Haise most certainly was the type to avoid his emotional problems rather than to face them head on. The younger male was like an open book sometimes in that way. And yet. In others Arima rather wonders what is going on in that head of his. What is he thinking as he stares at him so intently during their sessions when Arima shares his thoughts? At those times it is like squinting at the pages of a book without your glasses. 

-HIDE-

When Hide awakes Haise is still home. Not working today hmm? Doesn’t he have work today? It would be great if he did. 

It’s not that Hide didn’t want to see Haise of course. He was just having a little problem in his sweat pants. That dream again…

“Ah. Ah.” Soft little ‘ahhs’ were drifting through the small living room as Hide had his way with Haise on the couch. Even in his dream Hide had waited so long for this. Haise had kept him waiting for so long. He was always late. Or was I just early? But he was here now. Finally. Finally. Finally. The tip sank in. Hide grabbed fistfuls of the firm buttocks beneath him giving both globes a generous squeeze and watching as they became an angry red where his hands touched. He pulled his tip back out and then eased it back in, this time farther. So tight. “AH, ha, ha, Hide!” Haise’s breathy moans beneath him.”

An angry whistle from the kettle in the kitchen and Haise’s voice calling for him makes him stop his dirty reminiscing. Guess I’m still too early for you huh Haise?

“Hide! Breakfast is ready. Come eat while it’s warm.” He’s walking into the room now. Ah shit. Hide is scrambling to get a blanket in his lap now. If Haise notices anything to Hide’s little spaz act on the couch, he doesn’t let on. “Hide, I’m sorry I’ve been so.. out of it these last few days. I’m making it up to you today though. I’ve made your favorite breakfast: bacon pancakes. We can spend the day together too. So get up and come eat with me,” he beams.

Well this is a pleasant surprise. He’s been so moody since that day with the storm. The warm smile is better than any bacon pancakes that Haise could offer him though.

“I thought we could go to the movies today. I mean unless you want to go to a bookstore…” he asks shyly. “Why not both!” Hide is exclaiming in excitement now. “I’ve never really understood your love for books but if there’s a manga section in the store then I’m all set. It’s a date. Let’s doooo this!”

Haise is giving a happy laugh. A real one Hide notes. That’s nice. Really nice. Hide doesn’t know what changed today but he likes this. “Hey wait,” Hide pauses, “don’t you have a session with that death god-like psych today?” A flash of guilt flies across Haise’s face before it is skillfully hidden away. He is retreating back into the kitchen acting indifferent and reminding Hide to hurry before the food is cold. So there was an ulterior motive Hide thinks glumly. There’s always something with you Haise. I wish you could just be honest with me. “Yeah, but it’s okay. I’ll just reschedule. I’d rather spend today with you Hide. I really want to make up for my poor mood, so just let me, yeah?”

“...”

“Anything for you I guess” Hide gives a forced smile that he hopes is convincing. It must have been since Haise gives him one last chastisement to hurry before returning to serve their plates.

Hide is ready to move until he remembers his little problem with his erection. No Hide. He adds in his mind. It’s not that little. 

Miraculously, he manages to find his way to his plate rather quickly in spite of all this. All it takes is some thoughts of gross old ladies in bikinis and he is set. 

Haise’s pancakes are delicious as always. The guy really is an excellent cook. All of the flavors were blended together expertly. The two are making small talk at the table when Haise sneaks in, “So Hide… did you hear on the news that the police have a lead on the Torso case. It seems that a woman who was previously thought to be unrelated to the case was actually the first victim. It also seems that they got this information from an anonymous tipper.” Haise is looking at his plate indifferently but Hide knows better. He knows he is paying rapt attention to his reaction.

“Hmmmm…” he hums out “Is that so.”

“Yeah.”

“Must be a bright person to have figured that out! Hey Haise, these pancakes are really delicious! The bacon grease is everything they need to cook in and taste this great!” Hide begins stuffing his face as quickly as he can to distract his friend. “H-Hide! Slow down, you’ll choke!” Haise is displeased now, he can tell, but at least he drops the subject. Hide is more than ready to put this morning aside and to start the day. 

A day with Haise is always one to look forward to.

-HAISE-

Haise does not want to see Arima today. Not with his thoughts in a jumble like they are now. He is still angry with Arima and even more than that, he is confused about his feelings for the other man. He also knows that he needs to be there to support Hide more. So why was he sitting in bed moping about these feelings for the older man? Someone like Hide would be safer to love. So why Arima?

In addition to this, Haise has another reason to mope in bed. He is extra guilty today. Not only is he skipping his session with Arima but he also dumped his pills in the toilet the other night. The satisfying 'plop,' 'plop,' 'plop' as each fell into the toilet still purred through his ears in the most delightful of ways. He didn’t like how they made him feel. Arima was right. They were the same ones that his mother took and look at how she turned out. Why should he have to feel this numb for that? 

The side effects were terrible for him. He felt so empty all of the time. So bored. At least without them he felt things. Saw the world in vivid colors. Haise may have been viewing the world through the lense of a Tim Burton horror flick but at least all of the colors and the emotions were there and they were raw and intense. That was something. With the pills he was always tired, he was nauseous all of the time, and his heart beat fast. Yes. He was better without. This was definitely the right choice.

Haise gathers his wits about him and leaves the confides of his bed to make Hide his favorite breakfast and to prepare for the day that he has in mind. 

…………………………………………………………….

Their outing was a load of fun and honestly everything that Haise needed. He can't wipe the smile off of his face as they step back through the door. “Haise! You should have seen your face when that girl hit on you in the bookstore!” 

“Hide! I told you. I didn’t look that constipated.” Hide is guffawing though. “Man, you totally did. It will never work. She’s like beauty and you would definitely be the beast.”

He is reaching for his phone. “Hide, it’s not that funny-” Haise is about to continue when he sees 'IT'. One missed message. Arima. He feels the bob of his Adam’s apple as he gulps. “Whatever you say man but your people skills are seriously lacking. You’d think a guy who reads about people all day would be better around them. Prepared for every situation. I guess that proves it though! You just can’t learn everything from books!”

Haise tells Hide that he must be right about books and his people skills. He tells him something about going to shower. It’s late. Hide agrees and the two part. 

His chest is rising in rapid intakes of breath as he puts the phone to his ear and plays the recording whilst the shower runs in the background. “Haise you missed our session today…” His voice shakes Haise to his core. Has it always been that way? Had that effect on him? He wants Haise to recommend a book for him. He doesn't know where to start though, which to pick. There's just so many to pick from and what if he doesn't like what Haise picks and he never asks him again? His mind leads him to all of Arima's possible reactions to his book choice as he steps under the spray of the shower. Arima wants a recommendation from him as well... A smile as warm as the water spreads over Haise's face as he really let's this sink in. He's not sure why but it means a lot to him that Arima wants to hear Haise's choice of book for him.

Maybe that's why Haise let's his hand snake down between his thighs as he stands under the spray of the shower and touches himself to the thought of it a few minutes later. It is as his climax washes over him with the hot water that he has a moment of clarity in which he knows exactly which book he will recommend for Arima. Well... it’s not a book precisely but rather a play. He noticed while he was out with Hide today that there would be a production for this play at his university coming soon. Maybe Arima would go with him if he asked him?

-FURUTA-

Matsuri is like a cockroach, he thinks as he hits the send button on his phone, gross and hard to kill. He’s a shrewd man though and if Furuta wants to kill this little roach then he is just going to have to destroy the head. An act that he is more eager to do than ever after having dinner with his father this evening.

Furuta’s phone buzzes back hard and angry in his hand. Oh? That was fast. But then again... he had just sent the man a dick pic.

“What the hell?!” the message reads.

“Whoops. Meant to send that to someone else.”

His phone is silent for a minute more and then…

“Don’t you know better than to send nudes to people much less to at least check who you are sending them to?”

“Well, what can I say? Dinner with Papalin was just so stressful and I need to unwind.”

His phone buzzes quickly after that. He smirks.

“How was it?”

Furuta feels the maw of his grin grow. He’s not going to respond to this of course. He sets aside his phone in exchange for a book on his nightstand.

Hmmm… How did it go indeed?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> To "cook the books" is an accounting term for those who are unfamiliar with it. It is basically accounting speak for saying that someone has illegally altered their financial information to hide something or to make their company look more profitable than it is to investors or banks who may be giving them loans.


	8. A Horse's Stare

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please leave me comments and love after reading! I enjoy hearing your reactions.

-ARIMA-

Arima’s head was throbbing. Meeting with Tsuneyoshi was never easy. 

The meeting was nothing intensive. A simple debriefing of Arima’s cases and his progress on some side projects that could bring even greater wealth and esteem to New Haven. The intensity of the stare, however… It never left him. Not after all these years. 

Arima had to do well. He had to please this man or the funding for that orphanage with those sickly kids would go away. What would the children of the Sunlit Garden do then? Arima himself grew up there. He knew what it was like fearing what would happen once he was too old for government benefits. No one cared about orphans. Especially not ‘special’ ones.

Haise would arrive soon. Somehow Arima knew that he wouldn’t skip a meeting again. Wouldn’t leave him there alone. Waiting. What would the younger recommend to him? The itch in his fingers to pick up a book was there again. Arima hoped that it was a psychological sort of book. Something that would make him think. Make him get out of his head for a while. Would Haise pick a book that reminded him of Arima as he had done for Haise? What would he pick?

He was facing his office door now. He couldn't even remember walking there.

………

Time passed and before Arima knew it, Haise was there again. The desperate intensity of his relief to be able to speak with Haise once more left Arima breathless and full of apprehension. This was not something he was used to. What would he do when Haise no longer needed him? Luckily that was a far way off. 

What a gross thought. He should want Haise to be better. He did want him to be better. He still wanted to speak with him about books though. It has been several weeks and Arima has come to find an enjoyment in these sessions that he finds no where else. Haise is important to him. What book did he pick?

“A play. Not a book…”

The younger's lips are moving. “I thought that you would like it. It is suiting of your profession. The doctor in it, Dr. Dysart, reminds me a bit of you. I suppose that would make me Alan Strang. The play is Equus and I was hoping that Arima-san might go with me to see it play at Kamii University on Friday.” Shy eyes full of apprehension at such an upfront request are staring at him with a fervent intensity. 

“Haise… I would love to read it but-” but he is cut off by Haise and a gush of the man’s words. 

“I know that it isn’t exactly professional but it is a play and as such a stage is the setting that it is expected to be viewed upon. We are going to discuss it anyway and so why not go together? I’ll be sure to give you an in depth view of why I chose it for you ...and,” Haise stops his rush, hesitating as if not sure he wants to continue. Arima’s interest is peaked. Truth be told, he wanted to go with. He would say yes. There couldn’t be much harm in it but what did Haise have to offer to sweeten the deal?

“Yes?”

“If you go with then I will answer one of your questions honestly. No beating around the bush. Just one though. I promise.”

Well… How could Arima say no to that?

…………………………………………….

It is Friday and Arima is seated beside Haise in the university’s theater. There are not many people there. It is cold and the student’s present seem to be mumbling about extra credit. 

Haise is excited though. Arima can see it in his eyes and in his posture. He is already on the edge of his seat and he keeps returning his gaze to Arima and then quickly looking away, a light blush on his face. Interesting. Is he getting sick or is it something else?

Arima doesn’t know what the play is about. He was tempted to look after learning of it’s title but he refrained. He wants the experience at the theater to be the first time that the play unfolds for him. 

Arima is enraptured by the play. Is this how Haise felt when Arima had him read The Strange Case of Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde? Violated in a way? How did he know? Arima gazes at him multiple times throughout the play. Sometimes Haise is staring back. It's eerie. The gray of his eyes ghostly in their reflection of light in the dark room. 

The play was written in 1973 and follows the child psychiatrist, Dr. Dysart, as he tries to help the mentally unstable 17 year old boy, Alan Strang overcome his unhealthy obsession with horses. Alan is brought to Dysart after he blinds six horses with a steel spike through each of their eyes. Arima feels his own eyes sting as the scene unfolds. Alan doesn’t hate horses though. He loves them. He loves them very much. 

Alan worships the horse god Equus, a being mentioned in the bible that his mother read to him as a child. He would take one of the horses out to a field every night, strip down, and ride the horse naked in the moonlight so that horse and man became one. It was the only time that he was one with his god. It was his ritual and a most pleasurable one at that for Alan. His extreme sexual attraction to the horses make his life very difficult however.

Alan later confesses that his love for horses began the moment that he was allowed to ride one on the beach as a child. He felt powerful and in control but then his parents forced him off in fear that he would be hurt. His mother was a religious fanatic. She would read the bible to him every night and that is where he first learned of the horse god Equus. His father, however, is atheist. Alan has always struggled between their conflicting viewpoints. Powerless to say no to either.

Alan blinded the horses one night after a failed attempt to forget his maladies and to lay with the stable girl, Jill, because they were watching him and judging him for lying with another. He was sorry that he had attempted to engage in such an act with another that was not his lord, Equus, and he did not want them to keep staring. Staring and judging in the face of his blasphemy. 

What struck Arima, however, was the story-line of Dr. Dysart. Dysart grew rather attached to Alan and was not sure that fixing him was truly the best thing for the boy. Dysart began his career with the best intents but as time went on he grew tired. No matter what he did, he was empty. That emptiness is one that Arima understands well. Dysart would sit at home and read about relics of ancient civilizations and then go to his day job. He would then take people and change them to meet what society deemed was best: people who would go to work, come home, and repeat. They would have a wife and a husband, some kids, maybe a dog. They’d be normal. Just normal. Completely average, everything that made them them would be gone. It is like the person had died. In their place would be a carbon copy of every other individual in the rat race of life. The vibrant colors and the strange hues of colors that these individuals would make would just fade away.

Dysart would dream at night that he was one of those old priests from his texts on ancient Greek civilizations engaging in ritual sacrifice. He would take his sharp knife and there he would sacrifice five hundred boys and girls with the aid of his masked assistants who would grab the children one by one, throw them over a stone, and hold them there for him, the head priest, to dissect. The only thing that they don’t know is that he hates it. He hates destroying these children. All he can ever do is take.

-HAISE-

Arima is quiet after the play. 

Haise had been watching him periodically throughout the production. He was more fascinated by his reaper, his ancient Greek priest, then by the play itself. He was already very familiar with it. Arima looked sad throughout most of it. His normally stoic features drawn into a beautiful melancholic expression. Haise had not meant to trouble him so deeply with this play and he tells him as much now.

“Arima-- I-” he looks for the right words to say but can’t find them. They lay dead on his tongue before he can ever breath life into them. Arima is facing away from him now. His silence different and more oppressive than any that Haise had felt in their sessions. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to hurt you with this play. Truth be told I thought that you would like it because you are always so careful with me.” He is fidgeting with his coat now. “I know that you care about me. When you said that you were happy that I lived I think that you also were trying to tell me that you were happy that I was still me as well. That this part of me was still alive. You didn't say it but after all of our sessions I can feel it. You never try to change me or tell me I'm wrong. You just try to help me see a different path. I hate it you know. My sickness. You can never change that but, because of it, I got to meet you and that’s not so bad. I am glad that Arima-san is alive too. You have a 'specialness' to you as well you know. This aloofness. But it makes you you..." He's still silent. "Maybe the best people are the ones who have some madness in them. ...Arima-san?.”

Arima still isn’t facing him but Haise imagines a drop of water falling from his chin. The angle is all wrong though. He is reaching out to touch his shoulder when Arima suddenly turns around and Haise is faced with his palm on Arima’s chest as a result. It is so warm and he can feel his heart beating rapidly under it. Arima stares down at him for a long while and Haise can’t imagine what he is thinking about. 

It is then that Arima moves and begins to peel his coat from his shoulders. “Here, you’re shivering.”

Haise tries to reject him but Arima is draping it over his shoulders anyway. Arima offers him a ride home in his car. It’s rather late and strange people can be found on the bus at this hour in Tokyo. 

The ride home is silent but as Haise is about to leave Arima’s car, Arima catches his wrist. He still doesn’t face him, choosing to look out at the distance of the dark road instead, but he does offer Haise this: “Thank you.”

Haise isn’t quite sure why he is thanking him but he tells him that he is welcome and he bids him goodnight after squeezing his hand. Haise’s heart skips a beat as Arima’s own closes over his for a second. 

 

-MATSURI-

Matsuri is out that night. He is doing a speech at the university that New Haven recruits its interns from, scouting for new talent that he can bend to his will at New Haven. His own entourage of devotees to put Arima’s to shame. 

Matsuri had a meeting with Tsuneyoshi that morning and all he could talk about is how Matsuri should strive to bring as much esteem to their clinic as Arima does. He was the full-blooded Washuu heir after all. Tsuneyoshi was ashamed of it. Matsuri doesn’t want to be like Arima though. He wants to be better. Arima is nothing more than a horse that was rode hard and put away wet. 

He is like a racehorse that is bred for speed but whose legs break under pressure. He will mess up someday, Matsuri knows it. He can feel the ecstatic lightness in his bones at the thought of the looks his brainless followers at the clinic will wear when he exposes it.

The clinic and the status of his Washuu name is all Matsuri has. He was born into this position in the Washuu family and he can’t escape his family's reach no matter how hard he tries. His gilded cage. If Matsuri can’t be free in Germany and he has to be caged, then the cage had better be to his liking. Matsuri didn’t want to view Arima from his perch. It would be better if he disappeared.

A glimpse of white catches in his peripheral vision. He is even seeing the man now he thinks, only, when he turns Arima is actually there. He is with a smaller man, attractive like Urie but more androgynous in appearance. What is he doing here? 

Arima is always busy so this is unusual… Did he also have a recruitment event planned for tonight? The young man is wearing his coat. 

Arima disappears around a corner leaving Matsuri staring in wonder. Just thinking about Arima like this makes him angry. Actually, he’s rather like Furuta in that manner. Tsuneyoshi scolded him about that today too. He says that Matsuri needs to hurry up with Furuta. The Washuu will be moving forward with their plans to create the joint mental health retreat and spa with the Yasuhisas and they can’t afford to have Sarutobi’s deviant son fucking things up. 

Matsuri stares down at his phone. He still has that picture. 

Furuta…

Furuta is interested in men as much as he is in women. Matsuri knows this from their sessions where he teases him about Urie. He was looking for a distraction as well. Is this something Matsuri could use to get control of him? He would never do anything of course, not so long as Urie himself remained a possibility and not so long as Furuta was a patient but that doesn't mean that he couldn't try to earn favor with Furuta. It would be nice to have a wildcard in his pocket that his father and Sarutobi Yasuhisa could not control. Then there was the meeting that Furuta had had with the devil in question, his father...

-HAISE-

Haise lays awake that night thinking about Arima. He is masturbating again. In this way he his almost one with his own god. It was during the play while watching the man that Haise realized that Arima was indeed like a god to him but he was not his death god. He was his Equus. It wasn’t just a pun on Arima’s name either. When Haise was with him he realized that he felt in control of himself just the same way that Alan Strang had atop his horse for the first time. It was a strange sort of ecstasy. Arima, unlike the rest of society, didn’t care if Haise changed. He only cared that he was happy. ‘Haise, I’m glad that you lived.’ This made Haise’s heart swell. Arima’s coat was in his hand. He had never asked for it back, too distracted probably but Haise was glad to have something of his to hold onto.

Thinking of Arima and sniffing his jacket is calming him down and winding him up at the same time. Haise plays with his hole imaging its Arima doing so instead. He is running his fingers down his skin to his sack which he stops to play with, gently caressing them imagining that it was Arima’s big soft hand doing it instead. Inhale. Wrong. Wrong. This is so wrong. But it is also so quiet. No voices, no criticisms, just a calm and serene silence. Quiet except for the soft schlit schilt sound of his hand on his cock. 

Haise inserts a finger into himself now, imagining Arima’s long soft ones. He hears himself choking out a moan into his pillow as he inserts another finger and takes another whiff of the jacket. He starts a rhythm pumping them in and out of himself as he tugs on his cock. He imagines Arima on top of him. He buries his head into Arima’s chest as the kind man plays with him. Eventually he is cumming, panting out Arima’s name as he does. As he comes down from his high he begins to let his thoughts dwell on what he just did. It was so wrong. So inappropriate and such a betrayal to Arima’s person but he wanted it so bad. How would he look Arima in the face again after doing that with his coat?

-ARIMA-

That night after Arima goes home, he dreams of Haise. He his is standing in a flower field. Old patients and children from the garden are dead all around him. Haise is on the ground, his lifeless gaping bloody holes are staring up at him from where Arima drove Alan’s metal spike through them. His assistants are there chanting him on in the background. They don't know that Arima hates it though.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The saying "rode hard and put away wet," is a horseman's terminology for saying that a horse was worked extremely hard for the day until it was dirty and covered with sweat and then it was put away without being cared for. It wasn't allowed to cool down or to be cleaned and brushed afterwards and will likely become ill from this abusive treatment. In reference to a person, it is saying that they are rather worn out.


	9. Coating on the Trouble

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another chapter. I tried to get this one to you guys sooner but I had a business trip this weekend. Please leave me love as usual!

-URIE-

It was late and Urie had just completed his session plans for Saiko when the call came in. “Urie... Can you come get me?” It was Mutsuki and he sounded distraught. “I can’t get my car to start. It won’t start. I keep hearing these sounds outside my apartment and nothing is where I left it. On Saturday my… well some of my things were on my bed and I didn’t put them there. My window… It was open a week ago and I know I couldn’t have left it open. Not in that weather. Please I don’t know who to call. I don’t like the police and I didn’t have anyone else to call. I’m sorry. Can you just come get me?”

Mutsuki’s stuff was on his bed and his car won’t start? How long had this been going on for? His heart was beating strong and hard whether it was from worry over Mutsuki’s well being or the sick excitement he felt that Mutsuki had called Urie for protection, he didn’t know. 

“Of course. Just give me your address and I’ll be there immediately (I’ll leave now).”

The pen was heavy in his hand as he scrawled the address down. Was his hand really always this slow? Urie could barely get the paper to tear from the pad before he was flying from the room. “It will be fine. Why don’t you stay on the line with me while I drive.”

“Okay.” 

His car was too slow to start. Everything too slow. 

“Are you still in your car? Are the doors locked?”

“Yes but…”

“Are you still hearing sounds?”  
“Yes.” In the next minute Urie could hear Mutsuki screaming and a car door slamming.

“Mutsuki?! What is happening?!” The police. He should have called the police (idiot)!

Then the line was dead and Urie was furiously dialing to have help sent to Mutsuki.

-HAIRU-

Koori had just asked her to be his girlfriend. Even though they had been on a few dates together she still didn’t know what to say. She liked Koori, really she did. His heart was in the right place. Sort of. Well. It’s more like he wanted to do the right thing and he was brave enough to stand up for it which is more than most people can say. Koori’s idea of the right thing is very exclusive though. He doesn’t handle others who are different from his views well, like the cute guy from New Haven’s lobby. The one that Arima was always googly-eyed at.

She was so surprised when she first noticed it, the light that hadn’t been in his eyes before. She didn’t have a chance then.

Arima was someone she had loved for a long time. They had met before when she was an orphan in the garden. As long as he’s happy. She should give Koori a chance then…

“No.”

The word left her mouth before she knew what was happening. Koori looked so stricken. “I’m sorry Koori. It’s not you it’s- “ Koori looks disbelieving, “Let me finish that for you, ‘It’s not you, it’s me.’ Really? Seriously?”

“Well, um yes… I just.. I’m not ready for a steady relationship right now. Maybe with some more time though.” But Koori wasn’t listening. He came from a wealthy family and he was little more than a pampered child with naive ideals of what a heroic police officer should be when Hairu met him. Maybe that’s why his pride got in the way of his happiness at times. “Just drop me off at my car since you had to insist that we take yours.”

Hairu had done that. She loves her car (Arima’s is better though, “Ixa” she had nicknamed it after a portion of his license plate) and so she insisted they take her car and leave his in the parking lot of New Haven. Oops.   
Like ripping off a band-aid, she got in the car as quick as she could, ready to get this drive over with. “So… are we over then? You don’t want to see me after this then Koori?”

“You’re such an airhead.” His forehead was pressed against the cool glass of her car facing away from her. Even still, the glum expression on his face reflected back at her and guilt struck home again. Isn’t it worse to lead someone on though? She wasn’t ready. Arima… 

What did Koori mean by that anyway? He had called her that before. Arima too. Was it friendly or did it mean they were over over.

A song broke through both of their reverie. “Hairu! Don’t you dare answer your phone while driving! I’m still an officer you know! I can give you a ticket!” It was uncommon for her to receive calls this late unless they were for work. Urgent work calls. This was a number she didn’t recognize though.

“Hello, this is Ihei Hairu speaking. Who do I have the pleasure to be talking to?” Koori is grumbling the background.

It was a man named Urie Kuki. He knew of her from her affiliation as Arima’s patient and the girl who was dating the guy who shot a civilian. 

“Um…” she lets out an awkward laugh after hanging up with Urie. “Koori…” she begins with the most innocent voice that she can muster, “So you know how we took my car… well that was someone looking to hire me to investigate on a stalker situation. It seems that there is a… man who is being stalked by an unidentified individual and this individual’s home was broken into tonight and they were attacked. The police can’t do anything more than they have tonight and this individual doesn't like the police so I’m to go over there now and speak with them and install some cameras in the house… which also means that you’re coming with me.” Hairu finished that rather lamely with the sweetest smile that she could muster.

If looks could kill.

It was an interesting case though. It seems that the “man” in question was actually a woman and an intern at New Haven no less. Why doesn’t ‘he’ like police officers though?

This Mutsuki character was involved in a struggle and then hit over the head that night but didn’t remember the face of their attacker. When police arrived the attacker removed their own pants and used it as a make-shift mask for their face before escaping. He ran away with his pants on his head. What a disaster. Hairu would have never messed up so badly and let someone escape like that. Cops. Sheesh. 

-MATSURI-

Urie is reporting to Matsuri about his observation of how two of his patients seem to have met in the waiting room and grown closer. How boring. What did he care? “I believe that Hsaio has developed feelings for Yonebayashi and has yet to acknowledge them. Yonebayashi seems to be all that she talks about in sessions now other than her school work. I believe this attraction to be one sided. Yonebayashi gives no indication of returning such sentiments for Hsiao let alone another woman in general.”

He’s not focusing on this though. He can't. All Matsuri can focus on is the goo-goo eyes that Urie was giving to that other intern, Mutsuki today. Yes, Matsuri knows of his dog’s infatuation with that trash. As he is the son of the CEO he was of course informed immediately about the incident that occurred just the previous night with the police, Urie, Mutsuki, and an alleged attacker. Upon following up on this stream of information he came to learn of his dog’s unfaithfulness. Here Matsuri sneered. Dogs are supposed to be loyal and yet Urie reported to him that there was nothing to worry about with Mutsuki since the other would be staying with him for a few days while a private investigator kept watch over Mutsuki’s apartment. That wasn't the problem.

He could have at least tried to appear less pleased about the situation. He was so infatuated that even he could not keep it off of his face. Disgusting.

Mutsuki was wearing Urie’s coat today. He saw it. Matsuri saw it and he couldn't un-see it. Coats are disgusting. First that androgynous man with Arima and now this. Gross.

Urie is leaving now and Matsuri has heard nothing of what he has said other than a few words about Shirazu and what an idiot he is for trying to get into Kamii. He’s been studying non stop for entrance exams. 

Mutsuki is waiting for him in the hall when Urie leaves. They’re going ‘home’ early today to help Mutsuki settle in. Urie is speaking, “You’re wearing a coat today. Isn’t warm inside? Coats are nice I guess.” Mutsuki appears lost as to what to say to this and only thanks him in response.

It turns Matsuri’s stomach. 

Urie is his. It’s time for this Mutsuki to go. He just needs to know more about him. Find the weakness in his enemy's defenses.

-AKIRA-

Her stomach quenched with uneasiness when she heard of the attack on her charge. Mutsuki was as quiet and well-mannered as ever that day though. Nevertheless, Akira wondered if her intern was really okay.

“Was Tokyo always this dangerous? I really just can’t feel it,” the new assistant, Nagachika, commented over the din of another argument between Juuzou and Seidou in the background. He was a good-natured, hardworking, and handsome boy but something was off. 

She didn’t trust this guy.

“Tokyo has always been dangerous. It is just because it is so close to home that you are feeling this way.” This is what Akira tells him but her intuition is telling her otherwise.

Amon is shouting in the background now at Shinohara’s patient who has pulled out a needle and is stitching into his skin. Shinohara can only give a jovial laugh as he anxiously rubs the back of his head. When the two leave the lobby for their session, Akira finds herself leaving her deliberations aside long enough to scold Seidou. He can’t be fighting with the patients like that. No matter what they do. Of course he is angry with her though. It is as he says, they are the same age so she shouldn't be scolding him. But Seidou doesn’t act mature and she knows that he has never liked her. There has never been a time in which Seidou hasn’t resented her for finishing first in their class. 

He's about to yell something back at her again when the door opens and a young man enters. Nagachika seems a bit shocked and is suddenly pushing his cap low over his head and scrambling to gather up all of the papers before him on the table before rushing from the room claiming to have forgotten something. He knows the man that has entered the lobby and doesn't want to be seen. There is no other explanation.

What a pretty guy. He has a similar aloofness about him as Arima-san does adding to the mystery around him. His eyes scan the room as if assessing the threat that the people in it measure against him before disappearing down a hall towards Arima’s office. He must be one of Arima’s patients then. Arima-san is the best of them. A god is what everyone calls him. This young man is in good hands. The real worry is why Nagachika disappeared like that. Is he stalking him or is it something else? What is Marude thinking making this random guy from a volunteer at their suicide hot-line center to an assistant for her and Amon? Akira doesn’t have the time to dwell on this anymore though. She has work of her own to be completing and can’t afford to dilly-dally in the lobby with her coworkers any longer.

-ARIMA-

Arima gets to ask Haise a question today. He’s finally settled on which one after spending the weekend deliberating. He could find out what Haise thinks about Nagachika, his only support network and the reason that he is still alive. He could ask him if he still wants to die or if he realized in the moments before death that he wanted to live as so many who attempt suicide do. He could even ask if he was still hearing voices and what they said to him. 

None of these will do though. The real problem lies with Haise’s past. With his mother. The heart of his fear is there; it is the reason that he latched onto The Black Goat’s Egg and so many of his other choices in literature and it is certainly the reason that he is with Arima now; his failed suicide attempt.

He wants to know about Haise’s life with his mother and the events that transpired leading up to her death. 

When Haise walks through the door that day Arima can see the apprehension written all over his face. “Hello Haise. How are you doing today?”

“Good.” Haise is looking intently at his clasped hands in his lap. It is almost like their first week together again. “You may take your time to answer, but I would like to ask you the question that you promised me today.” When he receives no response, Arima continues. 

“Haise. I want to know about your life with your mother.”

Haise looks so small then as he shrinks in on himself. Arima finds himself standing from his desk and approaching the couch that Haise is sinking into. He’s really grown so fond of this boy. Arima will never forget the play they went to together on Friday and the exchange that they shared afterwards. He places his hand on the others chin, forcing him to look at him. “I’m not doing this to be cruel. If you want to overcome your fear of your past and consequently, your future, then you need to start trusting me. I want to help you Haise.” 

He can see the strain in his patient. “I-It’s embarrassing. So shameful,” he lets loose a strained hysterical laugh, “but I guess I did promise…” and yet the air rings quiet with silence for a few minutes more.

"..."

“I really loved my mom. She was my pride and joy; she always worked hard and never complained about it. She was kind to everyone. ‘It’s better to be the one that is hurt than the one that hurts others.’ She taught me that. A nice person should be happy with just that. In the end, though, Mom was the one that proved that wrong.”

“She would work so hard so that she could support me and her sister’s family that when she came home she was completely exhausted. This made her really unhappy. It was at these times that she was at her worse, her most disconnected self if you will. I’m not sure that she even recognized me at those times. She thought that I was evil, that there was something inherently wrong with me. She would try to purge me of that at times. She… um… I really was hurt a lot by the people that I loved most. Well, besides all of that, she would sit alone at night working at her desk and she would talk. Just talk. There was no one there and it always made no sense but I think that whoever she was conversing with made her deeply unhappy...” 

“After Mom died I had to go live with my aunt. Only, when I got there I realized that she was not poor at all. She had a lovely two story house and they never worried for money. I wonder what that was about....”  
“It was nice there for a while but… there was no place for me in that home. I’d really be lost if it weren’t for Hide. I’d be so lonely without him.”

Arima remained beside Haise on the couch. “How did your mother die?”

Arima watched as Haise’s eyes became moister and he tried to swallow the lump in his throat and to blink the water away. It was inevitable though, the tears fell anyway. Life is like that. Despite your greatest efforts, you rarely get what you work so hard to achieve.

Haise was teetering toward him before seeming to remember himself and pulling away; wrapping his arms around himself in an awkward embrace instead. Arima was not supposed to hug clients but he craved to give Haise what he wanted at that moment. 

Husky with the sound of bereavement, Haise pushed on, “She killed herself. I came home from school one night. We were having dinner. It was my favorite. Her hamburgers were always so good. The meat was savory and the vegetables on the side were so soft. But then it ended… She said she was tired and I thought that she was going to bed but she cut her throat at the dinner table instead. I remember feeling so alive that night as I looked into her eyes and her life left her. The feeling of terror crawling furry footed up my throat like those tarantulas under the bed at our home. I don’t think that memory will ever leave me.”

“I… I will be like her someday won’t I? I will lose touch of reality and one day Hide will be watching me as I talk to myself in a corner. Will I try to beat him too I wonder?”

“Haise. No, You won’t be like that. You are not like that now so it is unlikely that you will get worse. With the proper regulation and dosage of medicine, you likely will not even hear the voices. How is your medicine working for you now?”

Haise ignores this question though instead taking a different topic that Arima also latches onto having wanted to breach the topic for ages now. “Hide doesn’t know… Arima? What if Hide doesn’t want anything to do with me if he finds out?” 

“How would you describe your relationship with Nagachika?”

Haise plows on with his worries though. “Arima. I don’t want to be alone. What if Hide doesn’t want to be my friend after he knows? He’s already given everything for me. He gave up having other friends when we were kids so that he could look after me who doesn’t do well with crowds. He gave up his independence so he could stay with me on nights when I needed company. He gave up his chance to study abroad so that he can babysit me. He even moved in with me. Are we even really friends anymore if he’s just babysitting me? He doesn’t trust me and he shouldn’t. I’m a monster.” 

That indirectly answers his question he supposes. Haise is in hysterics now.

“Arima… You won’t leave me alone will you?”

His heart catches for a second. Haise is just a patient. Their interaction will end when Haise is well enough to be independent. That’s how it always is. And yet, isn’t that the very thing that Arima has been dreading. Haise has never been just a patient to him. Not since the day that bubble of life and passion burst through him when he noticed Arima’s books. He has life in him that Arima has long since lost. 

“...”

The desperation in Haise’s eyes is so intense. Those large gray eyes. Haise is like a terrified and wounded deer wanting to run but unable to do so.

“I won’t.”

Is it so bad to have a friendship with Haise even if it is unprofessional? It couldn’t hurt Haise’s well being to have another person in his life to rely on. He doesn’t have many as it is.

Haise is crying even more now if that is possible and Arima’s shirt is wet with his tears. He didn’t even know what to think when Haise buried his head in his chest. This is anything but professional and yet Arima places a hand on top of his head and ruffles his hair anyway. 

“Haise… It’s late. Our session has been over for a while now. How about I take you home tonight?” Arima wants to talk to Haise about Nagachika more but maybe another session would be better. He is emotionally exhausted. Arima doesn’t like the idea of him walking to the bus and taking it home alone either. Especially since he didn’t even know if anyone would be waiting at home for him.

-HAISE-

The car ride home is warm and pleasant. It’s already grown dark. It gets dark so early now that winter has taken over. The heat from the vents in Arima’s car is calming to his nerves and so is Arima’s soothing voice as he tells him of some short story that he has read recently.

But then the ride is over and it's just too soon. Before he can even lament this he is at his doorstep with Arima beside him to say goodbye. It's just too soon though and so Haise does the only thing he can to bring Arima closer to him. Arima. Arima who knows all of his darkest secrets and still wants to be around him. He reaches up and grabs Arima’s tie to bring his face down for a kiss. Haise can feel Arima stiffen against his lips. He hopes that this is not the only part of him that will stiffen as he slides his tongue along Arima’s lips just the way he imagined that night with the coat. His lips are large and soft. They’re cold from the outdoor air but Haise doesn’t mind warming them up for him. 

He feels like his heart will break if it beats any faster. This one kiss is the single most intense sensation that his body has ever experienced. It almost hurts he is so excited. He's already throbbing. He can feel it hard and heavy between his legs. There is a sharp ache there and the more he squeezes his thighs together to get it under control, the more pleasure he ends up getting from the squeezing sensation. He hears himself moaning as he continues kissing Arima's frozen mouth. The pit of his stomach is swirling with the most furious butterflies that he didn’t even imagine were possible. Haise finds himself beginning to melt against Arima as his knees buckle but Arima is pushing him away roughly. Haise feels his heart really will break now.

“Arima?” he whispers up to him. Haise reaches out an arm to try to touch Arima again but he is stopped.

“We can’t.”

“Why not?” He can already feel the water spilling from his eyes. ‘Pathetic,’ a voice tells him. This is the first time he has heard that voice is so long.

“It is a breach of your trust.” Arima pauses and adds, “Haise. I apologize. I made a mistake blending our professional relationship with a more personal one and as a result I have given you the wrong impression and hurt you. I think it would be best if we had no more interactions outside of the office anymore.”

It was a blow to his stomach. He is going to be sick. ‘You’ve done it now. Ruined it. Just like everything else. How could something as ugly as you ever be loved?’

“But. But. You said, just a-an hour ago,” Haise knows he is blubbering now, “that you wouldn’t leave me alone. So please…” Arima has a pinched undescriblable expression on his face. He hates it. Absolutely hates it. He has no idea what the other is thinking. His eyes are steely again like when they first met as if Arima was examining him for the first time again. He hated it. Nothing needed to change. He liked how Arima examined him before. With warmth. As an equal. Even after knowing the truth about him. “I’m not leaving you alone Haise, I’m just returning our relationship back to the way it should be so that you are not hurt like this again.”

“No! I’m sorry. I-I- please. Arima-” “Haise, it is time for me to go. Are you going to be okay tonight? We can have another session tomorrow after my last client. I will stay late for you and we can talk about these feelings that you believe that you have for me then. Will Nagachika be returning soon?”

Haise could only nod. ‘These feelings that you believe that you have.’ This is the first time Arima has ever talked down to him like he was inferior. Delusional.

Haise let him go home. 

-YOSHITOKI-

“I am pleased to be in bed with you! Metaphorically of course!” he jested with Sarutobi Yasuhisa. 

“Yes. Yes, I look forward to our union as well. Both of our companies should profit enormously. Which speaking of, since our companies are merging for this new venture we should celebrate. Is there a specific woman that you would like to have? I know your type, there’s a pretty one I have not unlike Ms. Furuta was. You really liked her if I remember right?”

Yoshitoki gave a generous smile in return. “You spoil me old friend.”


	10. Survival of the Fittest

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a rather short chapter compared to normal but since it is being posted the day after another chapter was just posted, I don't feel so bad. Enjoy!

-FURUTA-

“Small. A small cock for a small man. Don’t worry Matsu-chan, I like cute things~” In reality though, it wasn’t that small. It was just average. Matsuri gives a rough thrust that hurts more than he would care to admit. “Ah~ but it hurts, it hurts. It hurts ever so slightly!”

Furuta’s hair is being grabbed and yanked roughly in response. How did this happen? When did he get bent over Matsu-chan’s desk? Well…

It all started this morning when Furuta placed Urie and Mutsuki in an awkward and suggestive misunderstanding. He knew that Urie wouldn’t be able to resist confessing just as he knew that Matsuri would be arriving at the office just at that time. Just in time for Urie to kiss his beloved Mu-chan. It was sooo romantic. 

Then they went to Matsuri’s office. It was his turn for a session after all. Matsuri looked like he was about to blow a gasket. His eyes were eerily hollow betraying their soulless nature with the exception of the light behind them that was lit like a fuse about to blow. 

Then Matsuri had to go and suck the fun out of it, bringing up Furuta’s father. Furuta had only made a small jest too. “Looks like there will be no ‘Matsu-Urie’ just regular old ‘Matsuri’ and a solo scene with his hand.” Comments of that nature. Really, he did nothing to deserve Matsuri’s response. “Your own father doesn’t care for you. He only brought you to dinner to threaten you into place. ‘No more funny business boy! You do something like that again and you’ll really wish you were dead. I own half of this country’s wealth. Your life will be over and there will be no where you can run.’ That is how it went, no?" 

Naturally, one thing led to another after that. Objects of Matsuri’s possession were thrown at his fugly face, Furuta was teasing him about Urie and his daddy issues, and then they were having hateful sexual activities on Matsuri’s now empty desk.

They weren’t actually having sex of course. No. Furuta wouldn’t let THAT happen. He did, however, let Matsuri dry hump his ass into the desk. It was for a good cause. Furuta was nothing if not charitable.

“Just like your whore mother.”

Ouch. “Oooo~ dirty talk. Do you kiss your mother with that mouth?”

“Do you ever stop talking?!” Furuta knew Matsuri was done then. Gross. The desire to dry heave was intense but he got what he wanted.

Matsuri was talking. “Of course if we continue with this route in our relationship trajectory we will have to switch psychologists for you. Arima should be enough to keep your father satisfied. I’ll let him know that you are uncomfortable speaking with your sister’s husband on such personal matters. Arima is world renown it will be fine. I’ll just clear someone off of his schedule for him and have them reassigned to a new psychologist. It’s no problem with my position at New Haven.”

When did this just become a thing? Wasn’t he just saying what an annoying whore he was? That was too easy. Poor Matsu-chan though it was too late for all of that. Furuta had already bugged the room in the midst of his little fit. He’ll file this little escapade away for later when he is crushing everyone at New Haven. 

-MATSURI-

So much for getting Furuta to fall for me. At least that was what he was first thinking as he insulted Furuta while pounding his behind into his desk. This trash wouldn’t let him get his pants off even though he was nothing but a little whore like his mother was. Garbage in, garbage out. Nevertheless, Furuta seemed to really be enjoying this. He was grinning and laughing the whole time. This shouldn’t be a problem for their ‘relationship’ then.

He didn’t want to lose his license and certainly not his reputation so Furuta would have to switch psychologists. He could still bend Furuta to his will as he had planned to do without being his psychologist and if he assigned Furuta to Arima’s schedule then there is no way that Sarutobi could resist. Not to imagine the glee he would get knowing that Arima would have to deal with all of his bullshit. The plan was perfect. He would bump someone off of Arima’s list first thing in the morning. Furuta was the son of their new business partner. He couldn't resist even if he wanted to. 

-HAISE-

Arima-san is scribbling notes. Haise can still feel their one-sided kiss on his lips. The electricity of it burned him still when he thought of it. It was such a soft and lovely burn.

This is the session after their kiss. The one that Arima promised him so that he could better explain Haise’s delusions to him. Haise’s trail of thoughts couldn’t have been more bitter. “She” hadn’t left him yet either. The voice that had taken on a body of it’s own. His mother was with him again just as all mothers should be. ‘You are a baby choking on your own bottle,’ she grinned, the great maw of it stretching out into a thin slit up to her ears. ‘My dear Haise, what did you think was going to happen? How did you think that this was going to go?’

Arima is silent, writing without pause, and waiting for Haise to break the ice. He damned as well had just enough fire in him to do just that too.

“I’ve imagined us together you know.” He knows that he should just shut up before he makes their relationship worse but how much more could Arima take from him? They were no longer friends and if he left Haise to another psychologist then he would be breaking his promise to him. Revealing himself as a liar. Haise doubted a man of Arima’s caliber would want to be seen unable to handle a patient anyway. 

The really sick thing about it was that Arima wasn’t much different than himself. He really was like that Dr. Dysart. He was looking to fill the emptiness in himself but at the end of the day it doesn’t matter what you fill your life with. It will still be empty. Like a black hole. There was just something missing, something that no one and nothing could fill. What a stupid life.

“You touch me just right. It feels really good. I especially like it when you breath out my name when we climax together.”

That’s done it. Arima has finally stopped writing with that infuriating pen of his. “Why do you think that you want that Haise? Is it because you’ve never had a close relationship where you felt safe to talk before? Someone who didn’t know love as a small child who can’t recognize a healthy relationship now. Don’t you think that it’s possible that you have misplaced your feelings?”

When you are so angry there are times where you want to speak. To get across how wrong the other person is but your throat is just too large in your neck and you can’t swallow right. Then there are your eyes, heavy set in your face and full of unwanted tears. You don’t want to show weakness. If you cry then your argument is wrong even if you know this to not be the case. You lose. This is that feeling. “No. I don’t.” 

“Haise.” HE says softly in that stupid soothing tone that Haise had loved so much until now. It was cool water over a burn. “I’m just trying to save you from this path with me.”

“Save me?! You are a baby choking on your own bottle.” The words of his mother exiting his mouth in a cruel and mocking laugh. “How can someone who can’t even save themselves hope to save another?! It’s hilarious!” Will he regret saying that later? Nothing about it is regretted now. Arima’s stupid pretty face looks a bit stricken in the second that Haise sees it before he flees the room.

It's bad practice to lash out when angry. 

He knows this. 

He has always practiced self restraint too. 'It is better to be the one who is hurt than the one who hurts others.' The pervasiveness of this loss was just too great though and really his mother had already showed him the way that things should be done anyway. It is better for Arima-san to be the one that is hurt than the one that hurts him. You can't survive in this world by only doing what's right.


	11. Trading Blows

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hopefully this will fill the void left by TG. As much as I love the holidays, I hate it when TG is on break. Please leave your thoughts as always!

-ARIMA-

Even though the day had just begun, the pressure of a migraine had already come. 

He first knew something was happening that he wouldn’t like when Matsuri wouldn’t stop looking at him and smirking. He knew what it was when he saw the folder on his desk pertaining to a new patient.

How can he have a new patient? His schedule is completely full. There is no room for a new entry, not even months into the future. Someone is not on his list anymore.

-KOORI-

He wanted to see Arima. The pressure of keeping up the experience of cool, composed, and competent was becoming too much and those were only the C’s of the disguises he had to keep up. He couldn’t allow the police force to question his competency as an officer. Koori belonged on the force, it’s what he has dedicated his life to and what he would gladly lay it down for. But. She had rejected him. Hairu had rejected him. Was he not good enough? That hesitation… What if there was someone else? Someone more cool, composed, and more competent than Koori? Someone that would make her face light up brighter and someone that would make her laugh more. Someone she swooned for like he did for her.

He made his way to Arima’s office but when he arrived, there was already someone standing outside of it. A young man with sleek black hair down to his chin and a meek looking smile. “Can I help you? This is supposed to be my session?”

“Oh,” he took a shy look down. “Maybe there was some sort of mistake. I was told I was to be here at this time. I am a new patient of Arima’s starting today.”

“I see. Well, you’ll just have to find someone to help you sort out this schedule mistake. This has always been my session time with Arima. Marude should be able to help. His office is that way.”

“There’s no mistake.” Matsuri. Koori could have let out a growl if he thought that the man wouldn’t gain pleasure from his unhappiness. The two of them have never gotten along. In fact, when Koori first started here with Arima he gave him a speeding ticket. This guy mistakenly believes that everything here and in this world is his own personal stepping stool just because his family is famous. That was only the beginning of their hatred towards each other. There have been numerous other encounters in which Arima is usually the center of the issue. Matsuri is so envious of him that Koori is surprised that his skin isn’t green to reflect the ugliness of the envious monster lurking within him.

“This guy will be Arima’s new patient in your place. You will now be my patient.”

“You can’t do that. You don’t have the authority to.”

“Don’t I?” and like that he was walking away.

-MUTSUKI-

Earlier that week there had been an awkward incident at New Haven involving some spilled coffee and certain people falling on each other. Urie had kissed him while Saiko looked on in abject shock in the background. Matsuri was furious. No one meant to stain the carpet though.

Urie’s kiss while nice, was too fast. How did Mutsuki feel about men? He hated them. Hated how they looked at him and put him in the spotlight like some zoo creature. How did Mutsuki feel about Urie? He didn’t know.

He didn’t reject him outright per-say but he certainly needed time to think. He told him as much when they were alone again stating that he was unsure about getting involved with a coworker and then there were the issues of Mutsuki wanting to remain being scene as a man. Things were a bit more tense and forced at Urie’s apartment than before but the alternative of this was unthinkable. 

Hairu had yet to find anything of note. The perpetrator had not returned. At least this meant that Mutsuki could return to his apartment and get some more things that he wanted. He was going to ask Urie to come but now he wasn’t so sure. What kind of message would that send Urie? 

Saiko was bad enough. Mutsuki secretly loved following her blog and he was really excited to meet her when he found out that she was a patient of Urie’s. She didn’t disappoint, she was funny and had confidence that Mutsuki didn’t have but that didn’t mean that he didn’t choke on his tea the next time he sat down to relax and watch her blog only to hear Saiko retelling the incident that occurred between her friends. “Saiko here! Today we will discuss a love story blooming between two star-crossed lovers in Saiko’s life…” Urie’s face was likely as priceless as his was when they saw the drawings Saiko had made to recreate the scene. Things were definitely still too complicated between them.

He didn’t want to go alone either though.

Voices were drifting through the air and becoming louder. It was perfect really as if some sort of divine entity had decided that Mutsuki had suffered enough for now and was intervening on his behalf. Shirazu had excellent timing and he wasn’t alone. Kuramoto, a young man who had originally wanted to join the police force, was accompanying him as well as a stranger that Mutsuki had seen around lately but hadn’t met in person. Sure enough, they agreed to help Mutsuki get his things. 

He couldn’t imagine what they would come to find when they got his apartment though. Looking down at his phone, he saw that it was going wild with calls from Hairu.

-MATSURI-

He’s ignoring me?! 

His day had been going so well too. Koori Ui’s face was perfect when he told him he was no longer Arima’s patient but his instead. Ripping the civilian-shooter down was everything he had fantasized about and more. It was everything he needed after a tough week but then this guy had to come along.

“Whoopsies~” Juuzou Suzuya, Shinohara’s patient, had cooed at him after spilling cocoa all over his five hundred dollar shoes and staining the carpet for another time in too short a time period. Gritting his teeth was barely enough to keep his tongue from lashing out at this insolent brat that Shinohara fawned over so much. “Watch where you’re going and get me something to wipe my shoes off with so this doesn’t spread further on our carpet.”

That shit ignored him though, choosing to skip off down the hall while humming some unintelligible tune. He hated all of the people here. 

Even with the paper towels in hand from the break room, the damage had already been done. He could only hope that the cleaners would be able to steam the stains out. Matsuri couldn’t keep the awe off of his face when he looked up. It was him. It was the youth from before that was with Arima the night he was out recruiting at Kamii University. A patient?!

No way.

-AKIRA-

What a dreary day. It was pouring outside in a grim reflection of her mood. 

Shimoguchi’s self-esteem had not improved much despite her greatest efforts.The man has enormous lips and it has interfered with his personal life. He believes he is too ugly to find someone right for him and that his coworkers make fun of him behind his back. Sometimes to his face.

She finds this to only be a portion of the picture though. His outlook on life was just too negative and his attitude has always reflected it. He was mean to put it bluntly. 

Amon seemed to be doing as poorly as her at the moment. That woman has been messing with his head more than he has been fixing hers. Takatsuki Sen, the famous novelist. She really was something. Akira had the suspicion that she wasn’t here to be fixed. She was here to gather information for her newest novel. This seemed far more likely. Amon was just a fun toy in the meantime. Seidou hated that woman too. He made it obvious every time she left the room. He really can’t be talking about patients like that behind their backs though. Even if he does worship Amon.

Then there was Nagachika. They had finally had a bit of a breakthrough with him. A peak at his motivations. He had a friend who was suffering a lot and he didn’t know how to help him. He had never felt so helpless the night that he found his friend after he had hurt himself. Nagachika looked so genuine as he told them this but she still couldn’t shake the feeling that he was here for something more.

What a long day indeed and it had only just begun.

-MARUDE-

Marude had seen what Matsuri had done with the schedule switch between Koori Ui and Furuta Nimura. Koori had appeared to him rather frantically begging for him to reverse the switch. It was against all of the norms of every clinic anywhere. He just couldn’t do this. 

Matsuri cared nothing for the norms or the patients at New Haven though. He was a sniveling brat who only cared about himself. It wouldn’t do well for Matsuri to succeed New Haven as the CEO. Marude dialed Yoshitoki to tell him of his son’s latest breach of the clinic’s protocol but Yoshitoki also refused to switch them back.

That’s strange. Why on earth would Yoshitoki allow this switch to happen? Pulling up Furuta’s file was also a shock to his system that morning. He looked so familiar. Looks like Nagachika’s tip might be right after all. Where had he gotten that information from though?

The curdling burn of hot vomit was finding it’s way into his mouth. 

Yoshitoki-san...

-KOORI-

Absurd. He can’t be Matsuri's patient. He was Arima’s. This wasn’t happening. 

The bitter sting of tears were welling up again. He promised himself he wouldn’t cry anymore. Pathetic. No wonder she might find someone else to catch her eye. Pathetic. What are you doing Koori Ui?

There were footsteps approaching him. A witness to his breakdown in the men’s room at his psychiatrist’s office. It wouldn’t be good if they recognized him as the civilian shooter. “...”

A tissue?

There was a warm smile attached to the man offering him a tissue. The young man from before? The one talking to himself in the office those weeks before. He looked even paler than before but there was still a delicate elegance to him. It must have been the facial features. He had the face of an aristocrat with the high cheek bones and skin that likely never saw the sun. He looked exhausted. His eyes had a haunted quality to them and he had some of the darkest circles Koori had ever seen.

Always be careful what you wish for. Koori had been wishing him off of Arima’s patient list not so long ago and now here he was, crying in the bathroom accepting a tissue from the schizophrenic guy. If anyone was bumped off of the list, he would have predicted it to be this stranger, Arima’s newest patient. Koori had been with Arima for years. Matsuri must really hate him. The worst part was that if Koori wanted to remain on the force then he would have to remain a patient here until further notice. Matsuri knew this too.

He should be the one off of Arima’s list. A twinge of guilt following the though as Koori continued to observe him over the tissue. He was just worried what this guy would do to Arima though.

“Thanks.”

“Mhmm.”

He thought that he would leave then, but he didn’t. He just sat with him against the sink for awhile in silence. It was kind of nice. Koori didn’t have many friends. He had been close with Hirako for a while, or so he thought. He was always working now though. 

“What’s your name?”

“Haise.”

Haise huh? That’s a strange name. Haise was clearly sad but misery really did love company. It wasn’t so bad to sit and cry about your problems with a stranger.

-ARIMA-

Koori was sitting on the bathroom sink when Arima found him. The pain in his head was growing even stronger when he saw his patient in such a sad condition. Koori wasn't actually his patient anymore though and he wasn't able to fix it for him. Arima had failed Koori. “I couldn’t get you back on but you are not going to be Matsuri’s patient either.”

He got Koori to lean a little bit closer in interest at the last part. “I’m sorry. You appear to be on the short end of a political move brought on by the higher-ups. A clinic that claims to have the best interest in heart of its patients should not do this. It’s unheard of.”

“But with Matsuri calling the shots on this... Was Yoshitoki really okay with this, Arima?”

“He doesn’t know as far as I'm concerned. He is out on business with a new partner.” He sees hope rise in Koori’s eyes. That won’t do. Even if Yoshitoki were to return, he won’t reverse what Matsuri has already done. He wouldn’t risk upsetting Yasuhisa and their project merger. 

“In the meantime you will be with an old acquaintance of mine. Taishi Fura cares deeply for all of his patients and I can only speak highly of the care that he puts in for each one of them. You will be in good hands.” Koori still seems glum, which is to be expected. “It may please you to hear that his personality is quite the opposite of Matsuri’s.”

Truthfully, Arima is worried. The sorrow in his heart for his patient's grief was heavy. He knows what happened with Hairu. 

The urge to massage his temples just then was great. Even though he feels some guilt at the thought, he can’t help but to think it. ‘At least it wasn’t Haise.’ He doesn’t think Haise would take this as calmly as Koori had.

……………………………….

The high whistle of the kettle as it boiled set relaxation into his bones. It’s been a long time since he has just sat on his couch to read and enjoy a cup of tea. If he was honest with himself, he had been struggling with the temptation of having something stronger to drink that night. Thoughts of Koori, Hairu, and Haise were swimming around in his head and pulling on his heart strings. Reading just wan't enjoyable like it had been when he had Haise to share his thoughts with.

He wondered what Haise would think of The Women of Trachis, the book that he was currently thumbing through. He liked plays didn't he? Sophocles was a classic. He would like it. Arima was sure. The pages of this book were new but the words wrung tired and old in his heart at this point in his relationship with Haise. "How foolish one would be to climb into the ring with Love and try to trade blows with him like a boxer. For he rules even the gods as he pleases, and he rules me."

How foolish indeed.

As much as Arima didn't want it to be true, he had enjoyed Haise's kiss and he enjoyed his presence more than a doctor should normally enjoy a patient's presence. Arima liked him a lot. 

Pounding on his front door broke him out of his thoughts. He could hardly believe that anyone would be coming to visit him in the middle of a storm like this so late at night. Arima grabbed an umbrella from the stand next to his door. He wasn't sure how much damage it would really do if the person on the other side of the door was dangerous but the cold plastic handle in his hand was reassuring. Swinging the door wide, he was surprised by who stood on the other side.

Haise.

Cupid was cruel to bring the very source of so many of his problems to his door. He wasn't even sure what he felt for Haise as he had no prior experiences to compare his feelings for him to. Giddy and happy were the best words to describe how he feels around the other man though. Even now when it was so inappropriate for him to feel this way with Haise standing before him looking wild and afraid he was happy. Everything was so much more vivid when Haise was around to breath life into it. Haise would teach him which things in life were beautiful and which were not every time they discussed books together. Haise and his beaming smiles had brought a joy into his life that he didn't think was possible. Arima couldn't be feeling these things for his patient though.

"Your address was on an envelope folded up in your coat pocket and I- I came here because. Hide's not home tonight and I came here because-" he kept trailing off looking guilty and afraid. "Arima. I haven’t been taking my medicine. I keep- There are these things. Things that I hear and sometimes see. I know that they aren't there but. Arima, I felt so wrong on the medicine and I- I should have told you that I stopped. I keep hearing things Arima." He kept repeating the same and staring at him with innocent, fearful gray eyes. His garbled speech wasn't making any sense. "I’m scared and I didn’t know where else to go. I just ended up here without really meaning to. I saw your address a while ago and I must have just- I should go-” Arima wouldn't let him go off on his own now though. He couldn't do that.

He had to remind himself that those eyes of his weren’t as innocent as they looked either. He hadn't forgotten their last session together and the words Haise had spoken but none of that really matter right now. 

...............

The next hour after Arima brought him inside was a rush. He talked with Haise and calmed him down. He found out why Haise wasn't taking his medicine and they even discussed the play that Arima had felt so lonesome in his desire to share with him before. None of Haise's words were really registering with him though. He was too lost in thought. It was silly that Haise's presence here should have this affect on him but he was so happy that the other wasn't angry with him anymore and that he had still trusted him enough to come to him with his problems that Arima couldn't help himself but to space out while Haise was talking about the book now. Arima had been so shocked when Haise first kissed him and ashamed that he had somehow led Haise on to the point that he would kiss him as well. Their next session had been embarrassing to say the least. His face had never felt so warm as it did when Haise spoke those immodest words to him and wouldn't stop. He could feel the blood rushing fast through each of the capillaries in his cheeks. The idea of what he spoke of though was sort of nice and that scared Arima a lot.

Haise was looking at him. He had said something and Arima was just staring. What had he said? What had he said just now? Haise waited a bit longer but Arima didn't know what to say. He hadn't been paying attention. The younger one seemed happy all of a sudden though like he had received an answer that he wanted and just like that he was wrapping his arms around Arima's neck and craning his head up to kiss him again. This time with a smile on his face.

Oh Haise. You've misunderstood again.


	12. Unexpected Vomit

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's another chapter. Please be sure to reread the end of last chapter with Arima's thoughts in case you read it before I edited it. It should hopefully be less rushed and confusing now.

-MUTSUKI-

Mutsuki’s heart sank at the scene and he felt bile rising in his throat. His cat was hanging from the ceiling fan, spinning around in grotesque circles. Urie’s apartment didn’t allow pets so Mutsuki had filled large tubs of food and water up for him until he could come home. 

He could already feel himself sinking to his knees and crying. “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.”

He should have taken Mr. Whiskers with him. He and Urie could have hidden him away from the front windows. No one would have had to know and Urie would never have said no to him. Whiskers would have only been locked in the bedroom temporarily. It would have been better than this. Anything was. Mutsuki could only imagine the pain and fear that his beloved cat had felt.

He hated this man. He didn’t even know who it was but he hated him.

The man from before that Mutsuki had just met was leading him back outside and comforting him while the others called the police. Kuramoto was telling Shirazu not to touch anything while he called.

Only minutes had passed before Mutsuki saw Hairu’s car speeding into the driveway followed by a police vehicle. He should have figured that she would have already called the police before Shirazu or Kuramoto could. Nagachika, the man who was comforting him was the one to greet her when she reached Mutsuki. Mutsuki felt that he was entitled to be rude and not say hello at a time like this though.

“Mutsuki, hey. Are you okay?” Her gentle voice and hand on his shoulder was comforting. “I tried to call you earlier. Why didn’t you tell me you were coming here? You should have called. You just missed the man. That could have ended so badly. I’m sorry but he was wearing a mask the whole time. He killed your cat… The rest of your clothes are ruined too.”

Hairu was pulling her tablet out. “I know this is hard but if you are feeling up to it I would like to show you some of the footage. Maybe you will recognize something about the perpetrator. You can take as much time as you need. We don’t have to do this now.”

“It’s fine. I won’t want to watch that footage anymore later than I want to watch it now.”

Mutsuki wasn’t able to recognize him though. He was wearing baggy clothes and a ski mask to cover his face. He was tall and looked like he must have been thin judging by the way the clothes hung off of him. That could have described at least a third of the Tokyo population though.

Hairu was frowning when he told her as much. “Let me know if you think of anything else. I will be giving this video and your statement to the police. They will likely have questions of their own for you though.”

Fantastic. As it was the police were still checking his apartment for any other clues or signs of the perpetrator. In the end, they returned empty handed with the other boys Mutsuki had come here with.

Hairu was speaking again. “I would also like to ask your permission to stay at your apartment for the time being.”

“Stay? You want to stay here?”

“Yes. I carry a firearm and I have multiple black-belts. I’ll be fine.”

“Woah.” Shirazu is gawking at her with love struck eyes but Mutsuki remained unsure. This guy was a real monster and Hairu was very pretty. Black-belt or not, she was tiny. Would she really be okay here all alone? 

Mutsuki couldn’t dwell on it much longer though; Urie was calling his phone. He didn’t want to tell him the story. Luckily for Mutsuki, Shirazu was grabbing it from his hand and answering it so that he didn’t have to. “Oy! Uribo Mutsuki doesn’t want to talk to ye right now. His cat was killed by that stalker freak.”

Mutsuki could only sigh as Shirazu disappeared around the corner with his phone.

-HAIRU-

Hairu felt sick. She hated people who hurt animals. They were so innocent unlike humans were and what had Mutsuki even done to deserve that?

She was packing up her things to go stay at Mutsuki’s apartment. Hairu had no idea how long she would have to stay there until anything happened but she had a plan. Hairu doubted that the perpetrator would come for anyone but Mutsuki, that’s why she had bought a wig and clothes similar to those that Mutsuki wore. The problem was if it would be believable or not that Mutsuki would return to his apartment after that. She had to try though. It was all they had and this guy was clearly getting bored with sniffing underwear. 

She slipped the top over her head and flinched as it brushed a scar over her right breast. She got it as a child but sometimes it still hurt her. Hairu wished that Koori would call. If he was there she would make him camp out with her. He could camp his squad car out in front of the house and pretend to be asleep so that it looked more realistic when “Mutsuki” returned. She didn’t know what she had expected. No one calls after being rejected but she missed his company. He was fun and he was a good distraction from life. 

She had thought it many times before, even though he was so uptight he was a blast when he let loose. Hairu could only smile fondly as she remembered that time that they had found an empty rode up in the mountains after a short road trip that they took together on one of their few dates and they made the car skid for fun. Arima didn’t seem happy when she told him that story later.

That’s always been the problem with her hasn’t it? She has a one track mind when it comes to him. Everything in her life always returns back to Arima. She and Koori had actually stalked him once as part of a date. They stalked other people too, of course. It was fun normally but Arima was surprisingly boring. They didn’t think that he had a social life but they had been expecting a little more out of him despite this. They followed him to a bar which they were alarmed about at first but then Hirako showed up. The two of them just sat there in silence. She didn’t really get it but Arima had seemed happy enough. Those two stoics were made to be friends. 

She gave her phone one last hopeless look before deciding that the night would be lost to ice cream and netflix at Mutsuki's before heading out.

-HIDE-

Shirazu wouldn't stop talking about Hairu the whole way home. Mutsuki had driven them all there but he wasn’t in any shape to be driving them home so Hide found himself driving Mutsuki's car and dropping each person off at their cars or their apartment. He drove Mutsuki to Urie’s last. 

Urie was waiting for them in the driveway when they arrived, worry was written all over his face. He would feel the same though if someone was stalking Haise like that. 

“Nagachika-” Mutsuki began but he cut him off. “You can just call me Hide. We’re friends now, yeah?” Mutsuki smiled tiredly at him. “Yeah. It’s just I’m sorry that I can’t offer to drive you home right now.”

“It’s fine I have my bike in your car. I love riding it so it’s no big deal really.”

Mutsuki was looking at him in disbelief. “It’s pouring tonight…”

“I’ll take him,” came Urie’s gruff voice. He didn’t look pleased though. Mutsuki do you want to come with or do you want to wait inside? “Um… I would like to take a bath if you could please go without me.” Urie didn’t look happy about leaving him alone. Hide didn’t particularly like the idea either but Mutsuki was right; he didn’t actually want to ride his bike home in this mess.

......................

The lights were off at Haise’s apartment when Urie dropped him off. It was a bit late so Haise must have already gone to bed. They hadn’t talked much lately. “Is everything okay?” Urie asked but Hide could tell that he didn’t actually want an answer. He just wanted to get home to Mutsuki. “Yeah. Thanks for the ride man,” he beamed at him before running to the shelter of the porch overhang and locking his bike up there.

Hide was worried for Mutsuki. Maybe more so than Urie was. He had been following the case with Torso for weeks now and he had a feeling that the person stalking Mutsuki now was the one killing all of those women. It was likely the boyfriend of the first girl who died, the guy just so happened to be Mutsuki’s patient as well. The connections were all there. He just didn’t have proof. 

Hide thought that if he could get a position in New Haven then he could find the guy and place a tracking device on his shoe. If he went to Mutsuki’s place again then Hide could notify the police while he was still there and they would be able to catch him. It was only a matter of the police connecting the dots after that. Hide just hadn’t had the opportunity to meet him yet. His position working under Akira should help though since she was Mutsuki’s mentor.

One thing that Hide hadn’t expected was to meet Takatsuki Sen while he was at New Haven and he certainly hadn’t been anticipating the conversation that they had had. She was Haise’s favorite author and Hide had practically chased her down the halls to get an autograph. It was all good intentioned in the beginning really.  
What a mess he had landed himself in.

Hide couldn’t wait until he graduated and he was able to interview with the police for real. Then he could really take action. He would love that. Hairu’s job certainly had it’s perks as well of course and he could stand to earn a lot more money working privately like her than for the government on a set salary but he would never hold the same authority that an officer of the law held and that was something that he wanted.

Hide was trying to sneak around the apartment as quietly as possible in search of a hot shower without waking Haise up. Maybe they could do something together this weekend. He would love to have another outing to the movies and some bookstores. His birthday was coming up and Hide couldn’t wait to give him the autographed book he had acquired for him even if he didn’t particularly like the woman that wrote it.

-SAEKI-

I heard that you were staying with that other intern Tohru. Everyone is talking about it at New Haven. I’m sorry about your cat dear, I was just so angry. We can get another one together though.


	13. Forbidden Fruit

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Merry Christmas!

-ARIMA-

Arima didn’t know what he was doing but he felt his lips pushing back and working against Haise’s. It was so wrong but he hadn’t been this happy in a long time. He needs to stop this. Stop this little misunderstanding before it got any farther and Haise got more hurt. 

But he doesn’t.

He sits still as Haise climbs into his lap and grinds against him slowly instead. Why is it that the things that are forbidden to us are the things that always make us feel the best? Feeling Haise grind against him was so good. Arima had no doubt that he must be completely erect by now. His groin felt warm and his cock was pulsing with desire. He was sure that his lower region had a mind of its own and right now it had a powerful thirst for Haise.

“Haise. We need to stop.” Arima heard himself muttering out between sloppy kisses.

“Mmhm.” 

Arima could feel his tongue deep inside of Haise’s mouth and it was so good when Haise’s tongue struggled against his own. This was happening too fast. Then again, he started to reason with himself, Arima imagined that he would have taken any lover that he cared for this much to bed by this point in a relationship already. Wouldn’t he have? Haise knew him better than anyone else. He had shared thoughts with him when they talked about books that he had never shared with anyone else before. Would it really be so wrong to love Haise this way? It’s not as though Haise was going to be his patient forever. The day Haise would leave was one that Arima was dreading. This way though, Haise wouldn’t have to leave him.

Arima picks Haise up and carries him to his bedroom after a few more minutes of intense kissing and tosses him gently down onto his bed before climbing over him and kissing down his throat. Haise works diligently at getting his shirt off and Arima finds himself returning the favor as the two begin to strip each other.

Arima runs through his training in his head. 

He is running his hand up the inside of Haise’s inner thigh now and slipping his hand underneath the young man’s underwear. 

-Sex with a patient is never okay. Professional counseling never includes intercourse. For an authority figure to have sex with a patient means that they are engaging in an unacceptable breach of that patient’s trust.-

He is tenderly massaging the boy’s soft sack giving gentle squeezes here and there. Haise is already a shuddering mess beneath him. He trails kisses down a soft pale chest lingering to blanket rosy nipples with kisses and suckles. “Ah- Ah~” Haise is writhing beneath him, back arching so high that he worries Haise will break. As Arima goes to remove the last article of the man’s clothing his hand stops at the waistband of the briefs. Arima has never done this with anyone before. He is nervous as he is excited. He does not even know how to begin with a man. Does he just put it in?

“Are you sure you want this?” He gazes into the man’s heat covered face and lustful eyes. “Yes. please remove them.” But Arima is still lingering.

Haise sees his hesitance and moves to calm him. “It’s okay,” Haise says softly, “I will help you figure it out. My body I mean…” he finishes lamely.

The black haired youth turns and rummages through a drawer in the bed side table after glancing at Arima to see if it’s okay. Arima isn’t sure what he’s looking for but Haise seems pleased after a moment of searching. “I... um… did some research...” He is handing Arima a bottle of lotion now. “This might take up most of the bottle.” “Have you ever done this before?” Arima asks. Haise explains that he hasn’t with the exception of some late night rendezvous with himself.

Arima’s hand drifts back to the waistband. This is it. If they do this tonight then there is no going back. 

-If a therapist commits a serious infraction then an investigation will be held by the licensing board. If they find the counselor to be guilty then a few things could happen. The professional could have their license revoked on the spot or they could be asked to resign. Sometimes the professional can keep their license if they go to classes. Arima could never imagine this route though. A professional who has made an infraction and keeps their license must be supervised as though they were a trainee or an intern and must tell every client they have that they are being supervised. It is unthinkable, especially for a clinic as prestigious as New Haven. Arima could quit but usually the professional then has no means to support themselves, they leave their patient, and their patient rebounds. He doesn’t want that for Haise. This should stop. This is wrong.-

But then Haise pulls his briefs down himself and opens his legs wide for Arima to see. Arima’s brain turns to mush and the battle is over as the remaining blood telling Arima’s brain to stop travels down south. 

Arima feels his own face heat in embarrassment as he is faced with the youth’s flush erection. Haise is about average size, far smaller than Arima, but it suits the man. A blanket of soft, black, neatly trimmed pubic hair stretches downward until… it goes down and then there’s… there’s. Pink. 

Haise is looking at him shyly an unvoiced question on his face as he appraises Arima’s facial expression to see if he likes what Haise has to offer him. Arima’s palms are sweating and he worries that his hands may be trembling. He’s nervous and embarrassed but very aroused. He needs to buy more time. Anything will do. Arima moves to remove his own pants and briefs before facing the naked youth on the bed once more.

Arima crawls forward to hover above Haise and engages him in a sloppy kiss. He struggles to open the makeshift bottle of lubricant but can’t quite seem to get the cap off. It is as he feared: his hands are shaking. Arima hears Haise calling his name and suddenly feels two warm palms on his cheeks as Haise pulls him to look into his eyes. “Arima it’s okay. Do you want to stop? This is enough, we can just kiss for a while if that’s what you want.” Does he want to stop? Arima gazes at Haise’s perfect red and kiss swollen lips, his beautiful gray doe eyes, long girly lashes, and soft pitch colored hair. Arima doesn’t want to stop, he just needs a little help and so he pushes the bottle into Haise’s hands, “Open it.” Haise hesitates looking into his face before complying and giving it back. 

Arima is focusing on anything but Haise and his naked body now. He is pouring lubricant into his palms and warming it before spreading it over his shaft. He is about to line himself with Haise when he is suddenly stopped.

“No! No!” Arima is surprised and afraid. Haise reads the panic on his face. “I mean you can’t just push in.” “You have to....” The black haired man trails off and looks into a corner of the room embarrassedly. 

“Well you need to finger me first.” “With lubricant,” he adds quickly. “It will hurt too much otherwise. You’re too big.”

Arima is certain that his face is beat red.

“Finger you?” “There?” Arima knows he has said something wrong when Haise’s pretty face takes on a hurt look and he rushes to pull at invisible threads on the comforter. The rosy lips are moving again, “I mean, well… I… you don’t have to. I can do it for you if it’s gross and then we can proceed…” Arima knows then what he has said wrong. He pulls Haise into another kiss and makes him face him. “Haise. Nothing about you is gross. Understand? This is just… new.” Haise’s gray pools seem to regain some of their light and he hums in acceptance as he leans back to let Arima work. 

Arima starts again. Fingers thoroughly lathered as he lines them with Haise’s hole. He feels Haise shudder under him and feels slender feet curling from their place at his sides. He pushes the first one in. There is more resistance than he expects but then it is sucked in hungrily and Arima can’t wait to feel that on his own cock. Between Haise’s legs is heaven. He just didn’t expect heaven to be so stressful. Haise reaches between them and begins to stroke himself as Arima adds another. He starts to give Arima commands. Higher, faster, more. Arima can feel himself relaxing and his excitement building as Haise guides him with what to do until finally, “Stop.” “I’m ready…”

And then it’s awkward again. Arima begins to fumble with the bottle once more to re-lubricate himself. His hands are shaking again. Haise is still watching him, he can feel it. Suddenly the younger man is pushing him backwards on the bed and Arima is looking at him questioningly.

“I’ll ride you,” he says with cherry cheeks, “since it’s our first time. That way you’ll know what I like and won’t worry about hurting me.” Arima likes this idea.

He lays back to enjoy the view as the lithe youth rises above Arima’s wet cock, lining the blunt head with his entrance. Haise starts to lower himself and it is all Arima can do not to thrust up into the soft tight heat. It’s too good. He starts counting backwards in his head, willing himself not to cum as the slender man sinks lower and ribbed walls swallow him whole.

Haise is clearly in pain as feverish silver orbs disappear behind a thick curtain of black lashes and harsh gasps for air burst forth. Arima hates that pained look. He reaches forward for another kiss to distract him as Haise takes the last inch into himself. “Are you okay?”

Haise gives a breathy yeah in response as he starts rocking. Bliss. Electric bliss is all Arima can describe it as. The younger’s features are finally starting to transform themselves into a pleasured and lewd version of themselves as well. “AH! Ah! Ah-Arima!” He is shocked out of his worship when Haise starts screaming. “Haise?” he asks panicked and starts to try to pull out but- “Don’t you dare! There’s this spot and… mmmm… it feels so good! I’m going to!” and just like that Haise is already orgasming. Arima feels himself cum as well in violent bursts responding to Haise’s clenching hole. He breathes out Haise’s name as he finishes and starts to go limp. 

Haise’s weight is collapsing on top of him and Arima’s arms move of their own accord to embrace him. He is smothering warm kisses on a damp forehead, soft black curls sticking to him as he does. 

“‘Mm sorry.” Arima is astonished. “Why are you sorry?” “I couldn’t hold it. It was over so quickly. I barely lasted two minutes. Sorry…” Arima is chuckling and soothing his hair. He’s tired all the way down to his bones. “That’s ridiculous. It was great.” A bit more awkward than Arima expected but still the best experience he can remember having. He examines Haise to see the younger one looking at him with a furiously determined face. What now? “...You laughed. I’ve never heard it before. It’s nice.” He laughed? So he had. Leave it to Haise to bring things out of him that he hadn’t felt ever before. Is this what love is like?

“Arima?” a quiet question. “Thank you. It’s quiet now.”

Arima drifts off to sleep missing the troubled expression on Haise’s face.


	14. Note

Update:  
I haven't forgotten this story. I have been really busy and have had no time to write. I am, however, always thinking about all the kind words of the people who follow this story and have every intention of updating it when I get some time and motivation. I do have a sort of compromise in the mean time though: I made a tumblr where I will answer any Arisasa asks or just randomly post some NSFW Arisasa stuff for you guys (I already left a present). This would be a lot easier for me since I do not have to remember all of the plot points and develop the different points of view. I will of course do other asks and ships too; I know that there are some HideKane fans here just to name one other ship. I don't really have any rules as of now so just ask away and I will answer when I can... 

https://cynicalreadinggenerator.tumblr.com/

P.S. please leave me love when/if you visit the blog! I love hearing from you guys!


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